Is depression really the curse of genius? Research shows that writers and other creatives do suffer from depression at a higher rate than the rest of the population. And they, along with others born with creative gifts have a much higher rate of suicide.
Writing is not the glamorous profession it may appear to be. Rejection, deadlines, self-doubt and many hours spent in isolation can eventually push you over the edge. Plus lack of exercise and being stuck indoors staring at a computer screen all day doesn't help either. Success as a writer also means you have to rely on the opinions of other people such as editors, publishers and agents, which makes things even worse.
I'm not claiming to be a genius but I am a creative person and a depressive. My depression affects my creativity. Sometimes it is good for it, sometimes it's bad. Normally, when everything gets dark and gloomy for me I tend to go into myself and I begin to question everything. I can't deny that I've always seen the world differently, that I tend to see all the negatives about it rather than the positives. Sometimes I am aware that I may be too pessimistic and when I'm accused of this I always say that I'm only being realistic. I know that when I'm in this state of mind people don't want to be around me, but that's fine because I don't want to be around people. Pessimistic thoughts can ruin my writing though. Especially if I am doubting my talent as a writer, which is often.
During this time dark thoughts enter my head and I ask myself just what is the point of writing as I won't get published. Anyway, who would want to publish such rubbish? Me a writer? Ha! I'm just a talentless depressed person living in a world of make believe because I can't face the real world. I might as well end it right now. And the thoughts torment me all day, adding to the feeling of hopelessness, the future looking bleak.
But I don't give up. I don't kill myself, even if the thought does cross my mind. This is because I know from experience that this dark period won't last. In a few days my writing will start getting good again. The dark cloud will lift and I will think differently. I will start to believe in myself again. Of course I can write. Of course I can get published. If others can get book deals so can I. After all, there are worse writers in the world than me and they're published and successful.
And when I do eventually emerge from the pit of depression, to my surprise, I am struck by a short burst of creative energy that lasts from around three days to a whole week. Sometimes I'll have two or three projects on the go because the ideas just keep flooding in and I can't stop them. This is a great feeling and I can't wait to get out of bed and put in those extra hours of writing. It's not that my depression has worn off, it just gets a little more manageable. I still feel sadness, but it's not as intense.
Sometimes though I don't wait for this moment to arrive. Instead, I try to write myself through a depressive episode, even though it's the last thing I feel like doing. If I'm angry it's even better as I can use this anger in my fiction.
It is said that writers are depressed because they work for long periods alone. But this isn't my problem because I actually enjoy my own company. I accept that this is part of a writer's life and if I spent all my time socializing no writing would ever get done. It's nice to have other writer friends though, so I would recommend joining a writers' group or participating in one of the many writers' forums on the Internet.
I do sometimes wonder if being a writer is a curse, but then I think how would I be if I didn't write? It's such a large part of me. It's what makes me who I am as an individual. I'm sure other writers can understand what I mean. I don't think you choose to write. It chooses you. And I do question what type of writer I'd be without my depression. Who knows? Maybe I wouldn't be a writer. That's something I can't answer I'm afraid.
If you are depressed please don't suffer in silence. See your doctor for professional medical advice.
Marie Seymour has written articles on alternative health, writing and music and is currently writing a vampire novel. She lives in London but dreams of escaping all the pollution, litter and noise to live in the countryside where she can write novels for a living in peace.
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