You may have justifiable reasons for being mean and acting ugly. I am convinced that somewhere someone really hurt you; they betrayed your confidence. They abused you and left you with a memory of misery and pain. It is by far not my intent to be insensitive, but holding on to the pain of the past can cause more damage to yourself than the individual or individuals who injured you. The things we suffer can either make us better or bitter. Such volumes of pain would easily destroy us if we had not found avenues to cope. We needed a way to avoid pain and simultaneously institute a soothing pleasure. Food, cocaine, alcohol, heroine, sex and a number of unnamed addictions became our answer. We knew we could count on them to calm the beast of anger on the inside. Soon, we forgot why we were angry at all. All we knew was we could “fix” the frustration, loneliness, boredom and disappointment with one act of indulgence. One act of indulgence became two and two became three until we found ourselves caught in an infinite, dizzying helix of pleasure and pain.

How deceived we have become. We cover pain with our anger and we cover anger with addiction. All the while the pain festers beneath. It fuels the fire. In brief moments of clarity or we see what we are doing to ourselves. It is at this time we have the courage to say, “I give up”, and not on life but on the charade we played so long. We find the courage to face ourselves and the unsightliness inside us.

The rush of rage can produce a similar high to your common street narcotic. The problem is you manufacture the drug in your head. Your mind and your body may be conditioned to “overheat” any time you feel fearful, threatened or insecure. The cravings for anger will not subside quickly. You may need to enlist a variety of coping mechanisms to get you through the tough times.

You should look for someone to talk to. If you look hard enough there may be people already in your life in whom you can trust. If not find someone who has a listening ear. Pastors, priests, therapists and community group members dedicate their lives and time to listening and helping those in crises.

Educate yourself. Reading books or listening to CD’s brings a since of self-awareness. When you become self-aware you become better skilled at managing your emotions and controlling your behavior.

Shannon Munford is the owner of Daybreak Counseling Service, and anger management education center in Los Angeles, California. For more information visit www.daybreakservices.com