Attraction
I like seeing u,I like hearing u,
I like 2 spend my time with u.
But U r always surrounded by others,
as u r the main attraction of the...
"ZOO"

An Idiot
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.


Improtant!
It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!


Internet Dating
One good thing about internet dating: you're guaranteed to click with whomever you meet.


Being Affectionate
My girlfriend told me, I should be more Affectionate, so i got two more Girlfriends


Alarm Clock
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.


Love Thy Neighbour
LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR .... BUT DON'T GET CAUGHT !!!


Nobody
Im Nobody, and Nobody is perfect...therefore im PERFECT 


I Am The Boss
I am the Boss in this House and I have my wife's permission to say so.


Obituaries
Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries?
A: Under "Home Improvements"


Blonde Twins
Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb


If You Need
If you need advice, text me... if you need a friend, call me ... if you need me, come to me... if you need money........ SUBSCRIBER CANNOT BE REACHED!



Secret
In my search for the truth, I had become a lie. Perhaps some secret should remain secret.



Pessimists
Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back


Minds Like Parachute
Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open


Reliance
Don"t marry an AIRTEL woman they say "touch tomorrow"
Don"t marry a BSNL woman thay have "connection all over india"
Don"t marry a HUTCH woman bcoze "where ever u go their network follows"
Don"t marry an IDEA woman bcoze "an idea can change her life"
So marry an RELIANCE woman bcoze "u buy one & get another free"



Payment
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want


God Made...
God made worms and God made faggots, God made U a STUPID Faggot


Y?
Y a man carryz his wife's photo in d wallet?
COZ whnever he faces trouble,sees d photo & thinks-If I can handle THIS i
can handle anything!



It's Funny
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.


Revenge
When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her


Secret of Marraige
The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much


I Love UUU
I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u", I love "u". Hey! Don't get excited, I love other alphabets too...v, w, x, y, z !


Ur Mmmasterpiece Brain!
Unlike others, ur brain is a masterpiece. it has 2 halves- the left & the right. The left has nothing right in it & d right has nothing left in it.


You!!!
You = cute ; You = hot ; You = sweet ; You = intelligent ; You = amazing ; You = perfect ; Me = liar



If U Sneeze
If U sneeze once, Think I'm remembering you. If you sneeze twice, Think I want to Meet U. If U sneeze thrice, Think I'm Missing You. 4th Time, Fool Take A Tablet !

Watch Out
Take care of yourself.I cannot be always around you to look after you.So
please take care while jumping from tree to tree.

I Wish
i realy wish that u were here with me in my room-on my bed n lights off-n v get under the blanket together- - - to show u my new watch that glows in the dark

You Have Been...
From Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you've always been........... a headache !

Would u?
wudntufinditreallyannoyingifsomeoneuknewsentuamessagewithnospacesanduspentagestryingto figureoutonlytorealisethatthereisnopointtothemessageexcepttoirritateu!!

At The End
There's a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train.

Dream makes
Dream makes all things possible, Hope makes all things work, Love makes all things beautiful, Smile makes all the above work possible. So, always BRUSH YOUR TEETH !

Astrology
A frog telephoned an astrologer and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you."
The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," said the astrologer, "Next term -- in her biology class


Heaven
Heaven is when U have a German car,

American salary,

Chinese food & Indian wife.

Hell is when car is Chinese,

food is German,

wife is American and salary Indian.!!!


Wanna see u
Hi am trying to see u. i want to meet u. i want to talk to u seriously. but
wat to do? this stupid gatekeeper is asking me ticket to enter the zoo


911
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: On the back she saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche


Death is the...
Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last!


Thats enough about me
Those innocent eyes
Those kissable lips
A great smile
Da perfect walk
Smoothest talk
Absolutely gorgeous
Thats enough about me
How r u?

4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
1)dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
2)dogs dont shop
3)u can giv away ur dogs children
4)any guy can get a good lookin dog!


More Like Me
U're Attractive
Gorgeous
Sexy
Intelligent
Smart
Charming
Sophisticated
Fit
Kind & Generous
In fact you're
becoming more like
me everyday!

Drunk
Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep. Im not half as thunk as u drink. I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get

The World Needs You
Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!

Ugly
This sms can only be read by someone SEXY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not sexy?
one more time
hey don't force it ugly!!!

How do you like your eggs?
How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?

Men & Mobiles
Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest.


A woman's period
What is similar to a woman's period?
Ur salary - coz it comes once a month, last about 5 to 6 day and if it doesn't come it means u r in deep trouble.


Whilst Driving
Do u ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than u is an idiot and everyone driving faster than u is a maniac?

Wife's Birthday
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

The Moon
I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..

Office Excuse
I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.



Keep your mouth shut
As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.

- James Dent

Internet
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks
- Willie Weiss

My Wife
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...

Everything you are not
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not...


Roses r red...
Roses r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl's empty and so is ur head!


Tuck Me In Bed
If I told you that you remind me of my mom, would you tuck me in bed tonight?

Nintendo
I'm sweet like sugar, soft like suede, but unlike Nintendo, I never get played.


Chinese
Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

Phillips
Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?

Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

Tigger
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh!

Elephant & the naked man
What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that thing

Dog
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog

Longest Sentence
The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

FLATTERED?
Good looks catch the eyes but Good Personality catches the heart, You are
blessed with both!. FLATTERED?. Don't Be, it was sent to me, I just wanted you to read it.

OTHERS
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

One-liners
Why are all the dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men will understand them.

100%
U r 100% beautiful, U r 100% lucky, U r 100% sweet, U r 100% nice and U r 100% STUPID to believe these words.
- Aditya Kumar Agarwal

Confession 2 make!
I have a confession 2 make! Ever since I've known u, its kinda hard 4 me 2 4get u. Every nite u appear in my dream & I find myself shouting BHOOT, BHOOT...!
- Aditya Kumar Agarwal

You
Galileo: Great mind.

Einstein: Genius mind.

Newton: Extraordinary mind.

Bill Gates: Brilliant mind.

You: Never mind.
- Abdul Rahman Khilji

That's U!
Good Person?

That's U!

Good Friend?

It's U again!

Good Taste?

That's U!

Good Will?

That's also U!

Good looking?

Ahh... That's 2 much 4 U! Now That's ME.
- Abdul Rahman Khilji

Mount Olive
What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
- deepak

Wife and a Girlfriend
What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
About 45 pounds!!
- aruna

Time To Sleep
There's a time to cry, a time to smile, a time to laugh, and a time to love, but now is the time to SLEEP! You know what time is it?

Ye to mein nahin janta
ye to mein nahin janta, ye pyar hai ya hai khumari, dil mein to hai sirf tasveer tumhari, tumhare paas hai aur bhi bahane jine ko, humare paas to keval yaadein hai tumhari.

U live coz u luv
u luv coz u weep.
u weep coz u hurt.
u hurt coz u fail.
u fail coz u try.
u try coz u need.
u need coz u want.
u want coz u feel.
u feel coz u live.
u live coz u luv



Kissing your Boyfriend
I didnt kiss ur boyfriend! I told his lips a secret!!

Telephone 'Rings'
when i call u, 1 ring means i'm thinkin of u, 2 ring means i like u, 3 ring
means i'm missing u, 4 ring means i need u, 5 ring means BEVAKUF PHONE UTHA!!

Monkey
wat's wrong with ur cell, tried a lot of times but every time i dail ur
number, operator says "the subscriber u r dialling is a monkey, plzzz call
zoo!"

Foul Language
We have disconnected your account, due to foul language being used

Call Rate
Your call rate has just been increased to 90 fils per min at your request.
- junaid

NOT Available
0891 porn lines are not available on this phone, sorry.
- Lisa

Renewal
Your account is due for renewal tommorow, and you will be disconnected today, thank you for your custom.

Reflection
I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day. It was stunnin, sexy, cute, beautiful & adorable. I was supposed 2buy it 4 u, till i realised it was my own REFLECTION!

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
No matter how high the sky is, How deep the ocean is, How strong the wind is, How wide the river is, I just wanna tell u . . . They're none of your business.

Lover
A lover is:

1% funny

2% sweet

3% caring

4% loving

90% good looking....

That's why I'm your lover!!! Damn, U ARE SO lucky...

Shit im so cute
When ur lonely n upst, just turn 2 da mirror n say 'shit im so cute'. then
u'l feel fine. but dont make it a habbit coz liars go 2 hell!

Wers ur tail?
Sometimes u may catch me staring at u. Its not bcuz u r cute. my mom told
me tat devils hav tails & i'm jus wonderng wers urs? ...


Pretty Woman
Hi, my name's Richard, will you be my Pretty Woman?

How do frogs die?
How do frogs die?


They Ker-mit suicide.

Forbidden
We do have to go to school ... Have to is force ... Forcing is slavery .... Slavery is forbidden ... SO ... we do not have to go to school!


Job adds
This is your boss: "You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds."

Comparison
I'd like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!

In the Morning
Good morning
Hav u done
2 of the most
important thnings
when u wake
up today?
1) PRAY,
so that U may live
2)TAKE A BATH,
so that others may
live !!
- ashik

Divorce
I hardly said a word to my wife until I said yes to a divorce.
- Apocalypse Now

Alcohol
The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

Brightness
I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called "brightness", but it doesn't work

The 50-50-90 rule
Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.


Women Drivers
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.


Women's faults
Women's faults are many, men have just two! Everything they say and everything they do!

3 magical words
I'd luv 2 take u 4 dinner, make u sit beside the candle, shower u with roses
and utter those 3 magical words in ur ear - "PAY THE BILL" ! 1>>


Nominees for nice LOVERS
The Nominees for nice LOVERS are:

You

you

You

you!

Yoouu!

& the winner is

Me!

Coz I have you!!!"

Reading
After reading the Evils of Smoking I gave up smoking. After reading the Evils of Drinking I stopped drinking. After reading the Evils of Sex I gave up Reading!


Wrong Number
Ure so sexy u drive me insane. i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain. ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber. oh f*** im sorry i have the wrong number!

Me
Handsome
Sweet
Intelligent
spontaneous
good-looking
nice friends
charming
funny,
well...
Enough about
ME!
How about you?

Light is faster than sound
Light is faster than sound. That is why people look intelligent, until you hear them speak.

- joey_d

Cigarette
Be nice to those who smoke, every cigarette may be their last.

Common Sense
The sea consists of water drops, the sand dunes of grains of sand, time of moments, use them with common sense!

Bike
When I was young I begged God for a bike, but God does not work that way so I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness!


Thief
Hello
I'm a thief
and I'm here
to steal
your heart!

Women
Women have usually nothing to wear and no room to put it away!

Your Letter
I would have answered your letter sooner but you did not write me one.

Terrorist
Your daddy must be a terrorist because you are DA BOMB!

Do you have a coin?
Do you
have a
coin?
I want
to call
your parents
to
thank them.

Love at first sight
Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by again?
- joey_d

Toilet Paper
Life is like toilet paper, long and usefull !!!!
- rabia_s

Like to see you go
I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.
- rabia_s

Sleepless Nights
At night I cannot sleep and during the day I dream of you...

Math
During maths I was thinking of you but I cannot calculate how much I love you!!

Thinking of You
If I had a penny every time I thought of you, I'd still miss you, but at least I would be rich!
- sara_patel

Neighbours
Never make love in the garden or in the fields. For love might be blind but your neighbours arent!

Dreams
In my dreams you're mine, in my life you're a dream.

Thats Love
Love is
looking whether
he is looking
and when he does
certainly not
looking back!!

Is Love Blind?
If love
is blind
how will
she find me ?

Domain Names
Girls are like internet domain names, the ones I like are already taken.

No Brain
Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now. Sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.



Virus
DO NOT PRESS
ANY KEY
This is a Virus
Phone Locked
Phone Locked
Phone Locked
Phone Locked
Phone Locked
Hehe! NERVOUS?
- rabia_s

Brain Detector
Brain detector activated
calibrating,
now searching
still searching
get a good grip
of your mobile
still searching
no brains found.

Guess
It is white and it stands in the corner?



A punished fridge

- sara_patel

Statue of Liberty
Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman?


The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!

- sara_patel

Nok nok
Nok nok.
Who's there?
Marie!
Marie who?

Mariewhowanna!!
- joey_d

Single & Married
Why are married men fatter than ingle ones? Singles come home, see whats in the fridge & go to bed. Married come home, see whats in bed & go to the fridge!

U
Last night i dreamt of U. This morning, my first thought was U. i think of U the whole day. i thnk i like U. Tomorrow i'll think of V then W,X,Y & Z! 

HOW DO U EAT URS?
At 1st
a little nibble
a slow &
temptin lick.
i suck &
munch my liquid lunch
& den
i swallow quick!
CADBURYS CREAM EGG
HOW DO U EAT URS?
- joey_d

Bail Me Out!
Im at the police station. The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks". i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!
- rabia_s

Kisses
Kisses blown
r kisses wasted.
kisses rnt kisses
unless they r tasted.
kisses spread germs
and germs r hated.
but u can kiss me
baby im vaccinated
- joey_d

Keeping an Idiot Entertained
HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED


*press down*


HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED


*press up*


Id Really Miss You
Did I ever tell how much u mean 2 me as a friend put it this way if we were on a sinking ship 2gether & there was only 1 life jacket Id really miss you.

Darkness
If your life is in darkness, don't give up. Just pray. But, after praying and your life is still in darkness, then don't be stupid. Go Switch ON The Lights!!!

U Dirty Mind
A Short thing
It gets Longer
when U hold it
N pass between
women Breasts
N enters into
A hole
What is it?
1 min 2 think!
Car Seat Belt
U dirty mind.

Don't forget
Please remind me to remind you about reminding me to send you this reminder that reminds me of reminding you that I AM THERE FOR YOU. Don't forget.

The Sea
My feelings for you
Are like the sea.
"Wild and romantic ?"
No
They make me sick.

The Smell
HELLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, the smell is unbearable!!!

God
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly I realized that I was talking to myself.

Be nice
Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette might be their last.

Kiss My Ass
A man can kiss his wife goodbye. A flower can kiss a butterfly. Wine can kiss a frosted glass. But u my friend can kiss my ass!

Skirts
Smaller the bus,
Larger the queue,
Smaller the skirt,
Better the view.

Skin meets Skin
When is that
the skin meets skin,
hair meets hair
n balls disappear..


dirty mind
its when
u BLINK UR EYES

WOT AM I?
Im bout
6inches long.
Wen used
im inserted in2
a warm moist hole
& thrust in
& out repeatedly
until i leave behind
a sticky
white substance!
WOT AM I?
A toothbrush!

Our friendship means alot 2 me
i want u 2 know dat
our friendship means alot 2 me.
U cry i cry.
U lauf i lauf.
U jump out of da window...
I look down & den...
i lauf again!

Thank God..
U picked me up.
u took me home.
u put ur hands around my waist.
u took off my top
den u put ur lips om mine.
THANK GOD im a bottle of PEPSI.


He came 2 me 1 nite
He came 2 me 1 nite
explored my body
licked
sucked
swallowed
& had his fill
wen satisfied he left...
I was hurt...
F***IN MOSQUITO

Hands up!
Hands up! This is a robbery, handsom guys move right, pretty gals move to
left. Ugly ones go to the centre. Hey you! Dont pretend to read SMS. Go to
the centre!

Upside Down
Henry got a coded message from Jack.
It read: 370HSSV-0773H
Henry was stumped.
He called the CIA
& they cracked the code
By reading it
Upside Down:)

Girls are like
Girls are like phones, we like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Drive Carefully
Drive carefully: 90% of people in this world are caused by accidents

Sugar Cane
Hard hard in
Soft soft Out
In out In out
Juice come out
Don't think dirty give me a glass of SUGAR CANE pls

Mint with a Hole
It
was a
romantic
nite
he
took
me to
bed
opened
all
my
cover's
inserted
his tongue
into my
Hole
i was
melting
in his
mouth
THANK GOD
I am polo mint
with a hole

POLICE are looking...
POLICE are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty and very gorgeous. They've already eliminated you from the search, but where do you think I should hide?


Idiot
It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

The way I'm feelin
If U know the way I'm feelin', U know I need some textual healin'!

3 Monkeys
3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

Yellow Teeth
Are your teeth cold? . . . No? . . . Why are they wearing yellow jackets then?

Become SEXY!!
This is magic press down 12 times and u will become SEXY!!
..
..
at your age u still belive in magic STUPID ASS!!


Life is beautiful...
Life is beautiful if you are willing to see it


Yes, God made first...
Yes, God made you first,but there's always a rough draft before the final copy.


Roses are red...
Roses are red Violets are blue Love stinks and so do you


My mother-in-law...
My mother-in-law walks 5 miles every day... I wonder where she'd be by now.


At this moment 5...
At this moment 5 million are having sex 2 million are in gun fights 91m at a party and one sad looser is reading this SMS.


Boys no love,...
Boys no love, no love no sex, no sex no people, no people no school, no school no problems.

The word HELLO means..
The word HELLO means: H=How are you? E=Everything alright? L=Like 2 hear from you! L=Love 2 see you soon O=Obviously I miss you. SO, HELLO

The IDEAL man...
The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist.


Boys say it's great...
Boys say it's great, boys say it's fine. 9 months later they say it's not mine !


I love working...
I love working. I can look at it for hours.


Teachers help ...
Teachers help you with problems that you would not have if they were not there.


Life is like a nose...
Life is like a nose, you have to take out what is in it !



The road to success...
The road to success is always under construction.

I was trying...
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering

A successful man...
A successful man is the one who makes more money than he can spend.
A succesful women is the one who finds him.


Sorry I am late...
Sorry I am late, I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.


I was arrested...
I was arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.

Hello, this...
Hello, this is Death. Please answer when you are ready.


I used to have...
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

I can please only...
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.