Calendars and Personality Type
 by: Janet Barclay

I recently conducted a survey to look at the relationship between an individual’s personality type and his or her organizing and time management style, and noticed that the majority of participants said they have a calendar system that works for them. As there are so many time management systems available, both paper-based and electronic, I thought it would be interesting to find out which calendar systems are most popular with each personality type, and asked my ezine subscribers and visitors to my website to describe their time management system, what they like and dislike about it, and their personality type according to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®). The MBTI measures your preferences in four areas:

The source of your energy (Introversion / Extraversion)

Taking in information (Sensing / INtuition)

Decision-making (Thinking / Feeling)

Dealing with the outer world (Judging / Perceiving)

Because the Judging / Perceiving preference pertains to the way you deal with the outer world, it has the greatest influence on the way you manage time and space, however, the other preferences also come into play, as described in earlier articles. Your preferences in the four areas listed above combine to form one of 16 different personality types.

This article is a summary of the responses I received, according to the participants' stated personality type. Where specific time management products were named, this information has been included.

Due to their preference for planning and their attention to detail, the Sensing Judging types are generally considered natural organizers with a strong attachment to schedules and deadlines. Most formal time management systems on the market were designed by and for SJ types.

Although one ISTJ participant stated that he doesn’t use a time management system at all, the others showed a preference for a paper-based system. Most like the week-at-a-glance format, either the Day Runner® or the Taylor Planner®, because it allows them to visualize what they have to do. One student supplements her daily planner with a wall-mounted dry-erase calendar as well as a dry-erase board containing her weekly time map.

ISFJ participants also showed a preference for a paper-based system. Although one stated that she loves technology and was given a Palm Pilot®, she has no desire to give up her Day-Timer®, which has a monthly calendar that allows her to see her commitments at a glance. It also includes two pages for each day, with space for a to-do list and daily schedule, as well as blank space for jotting down phone messages and important thoughts. Others are less concerned with scheduling, but use daily to-do lists.

The only ESFJ who responded to the survey indicated a preference for the Palm Pilot®, which allows her to easily search for and retrieve information and to sync with her Outlook® calendar. She prefers to use paper for ideas that she needs to "sketch" visually and for face-to-face situations with clients where the Palm Pilot® might seem a distraction or even rude.

Unfortunately, no ESTJ's took part in the survey, but according to Sandra Krebs Hirsch & Jean Kummerow, authors of LifeTypes, and Larry Demarest, author of Out of Time: How the Sixteen Types Manage Their Time and Work, ESTJ's like to-do lists and use a calendar or planner to keep track of what has been done and what still needs to be addressed. ESTJ's typically plan thoroughly, scheduling preparation time for meetings as well as for the meeting itself.

Although a wide variety of systems were reported, due to their preference for Intuition, INtuitive Feeling types generally prefer time management systems that allow them to see the big picture.

ENFP's reported using multiple calendars for different functions. One uses a Palm Pilot® for scheduling, but creates a daily to-do list using Microsoft Word®, so that she can cross out tasks as she completes them. Another uses an electronic calendar and task list along with a manual tickler file consisting of a folder for each day of the month and a folder for each month, where she keeps all the paperwork to back up her electronic system. A third uses a Day-Timer® system, one page per day, folio size, with monthly calendar inserts to keep on track, along with a calendar on the kitchen fridge to keep track of family activities.

INFP's had the widest participation rate in the survey, and reported a variety of time management system preferences, encompassing both paper-based and electronic systems. One successfully manages her busy schedule with a PDA to schedule personal and private practice appointments. She schedules job appointments on her computer at work using Outlook® and syncs her PDA and work computer upon arrival and again before leaving work. Another uses the Palm Pilot® for scheduling and alarms, along with Microsoft Streets and Trips® to find locations and download to the PDA. She likes the ability to print her calendar and have the entire month in front of her.

Another uses a Franklin Planner® “when she thinks of it,” sometimes recording tasks that have been completed, in case she need to remember when she started something, and uses the Microsoft Works® calendar occasionally as well. One INFP designed her own multi-ring planning system.

All INFJ participants identified very strong preferences in terms of their time management tools, although their preferences varied widely, and included both paper-based and electronic systems. One likes the compactness, durability, and portability of her black leather Day-Timer®, in the week-at-a-glance format. She doesn’t feel her computer is reliable enough to use as a time management tool. Another tried using the Outlook® calendar, but found it wasn’t functional for her, since she isn’t always at her computer. She believes a PDA would be useful as it would allow her to easily transfer information between the two, but until she can afford one, she uses paper Day-Timers®, one page per day format. She likes the monthly planner for seeing the whole picture and the one page per day gives her enough space to "explode the detail" when necessary. She also keeps a family calendar in the kitchen. Yet another makes maximum use of technology, combining a Palm Pilot® with desktop contact management software, and synchronizing the two regularly.

The only ENFJ participant uses Outlook® combined with a Palm V®. She likes the ability to set recurring meetings and dates like birthdays, organize a list of tasks and memos by category, flag email for follow up, and set reminders. Other benefits she enjoys include only having to handle paper when she chooses to print something, and the Palm®'s compactness. On the downside, she mentions the Palm's fragility and the risk of losing data.

Individuals with preferences for iNtuition and Thinking also reported using a wide variety of time management tools.

All of the ENTJ's who participated in this survey reported using a combination of paper and electronic systems. One prints her own calendar from MS Outlook® on Day-Timer® computer paper (Desk size, 7-hole punched) and uses several of the Day-Timer® accessories that are available. Another uses a combination of "brain power, paper calendar and electronic organizer".

ENTP's reported a distinct preference for portable electronic systems. One found a Palm Pilot® to be effective because she could sync it with her computer, but no longer has the technology available to her. She has had little success with paper calendars. Another uses a Palm Zire71® with the Palm Desktop® system. The features she considers most important are the color screen, the ability to take hand-written notes, and alarms and snooze buttons. She found that a paper planner was too much trouble to carry around.

INTJ's, on the other hand, showed a preference for paper-based planners. One stated a reluctance “to go the Blackberry® route” because she likes to flip ahead to whole weeks of appointments and to staple information to pages in preparation for various events.

As no INTP's responded to the survey, I will share the following quotation from Larry Demarest’s Out of Time:

INTP's tend to be conceptual planners – their plans being neither specific nor fully developed. They work in blocks of time, and what gets written down may be sketchy and seem incomplete. INTPs are not likely to use the planning categories, structure, or systems provided by the manufacturer of an organizer (unless it somehow happened to make good sense to a particular individual). Like many other aspects of life, most INTP's will find their own way of planning and organizing. (Though, this may not be typical, one INTP reported using three calendars – two electronic and one hard copy).

As I found with my previous surveys on organizing and time management, not many people with preferences for Sensing and Perceiving responded. It may be that as action-oriented, spontaneous individuals, they are not likely to be interested in doing Internet surveys or in the topic of time management itself.

In fact, the only SP respondent, an ISTP, said about time management, “I think those words do not go together for my type.” She uses a thin 2-year monthly at-a glance calendar, and writes appointments with a time and an initial e.g. 5-T, which is enough to remind her. She puts labels of frequently called names, addresses, and numbers in the back and keeps a paper clip at the front to attach temporary notes.

In Out of Time, Larry Demarest states that ISFP's keep track of what needs to be done in a variety of different ways. Some use the popular calendars and organizers while others attend to due dates and plan for the priorities, leaving considerable leeway to be flexible and spontaneous about remaining work.

Demarest also states that many ESTP's don’t use a calendar or planner and that those who do tend to use them selectively. For example, one reported using a planner for work but not for his social or personal life. Another records only the important activities for each day. Some think and work in terms of chunks of time rather than hour-by-hour. ESTP's also report using electronic calendars and organizers.

ESFP's keep track of their work, according to Demarest, in a variety of ways, ranging from the prevalent, more formal systems and computer calendars to relying on reminders from team members and keeping a simple to-do list or a mental list.

Before the new year arrives, take some time to evaluate your current time management system, and if it’s not working for you, consider what other people of your personality type find effective. If you’ve never taken the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®, maybe it’s time that you discovered the many ways that a deeper understanding of yourself can benefit you, both personally and professionally.

Although there are many online assessments claiming to be the same as the MBTI®, the best way to understand your personality type is to take an official MBTI® instrument from a professional who has met the standards necessary to be "qualified" to administer the test.

Further Reading

Out of Time: How the Sixteen Types Manage Their Time and Work by Larry Demarest

LifeTypes by Sandra Krebs Hirsch & Jean Kummerow

About The Author

Janet Barclay is a qualified MBTI® practitioner specializing in time management, and the owner of Organized Assistant. For more information visit www.organizedassistant.com.

Permission is granted to use this article, as long as proper credit is given and you link back to www.organizedassistant.com. An email letting me know which article you have used and where would be appreciated.
[email protected]

Do You Make Less Money Than Your Taller Peers?
 by: C.S. Deam

A recent study at the University of Florida found that over the span of their careers short people earn less money than their taller counterparts. In terms of cold hard cash, each extra inch in height equals roughly $800 difference in annual pay. So, essentially a person standing at 5 ft 8 inches tall will make about $9600 less annually than someone standing at 6 ft 8 inches tall.

It's surprise that in this post-modern era our incomes are influenced so strongly by our physical statures. The figure of $9600 per year, in the example above, should be a stark enough example of this - but the practice seems even more unsettling when multiplied over a career spanning 30 years. Just by being a foot shorter than your peers, you are likely to earn $288,000 less over 30 years than they do.

You would think that in an 'enlightened era,' such as the one in which we live, that payscale would be based on individual and team results rather than physical height characteristics. Unfortunately the study shows otherwise.

So, what are we to do?

Should we form an affirmative action group to pursue the correction of these practices?

It’s too tough to legislate changes into people minds. Plus, there’s a ton of other baggage that goes along with it. You’d have to define what ‘short’ is. You’d have to create a government entity to monitor and enforce penalties against discriminators. Too expensive. Too negative. Too divisive.

My solution focuses on blatantly impressing upon people that shorter people are worth paying more.

Let me illustrate with an example out of the world of real estate.

A nice house sat vacant for many months with no potential buyers showing interest. The homeowner kept dropping the price from time to time over the course of the year and still no potential buyers showed interest. Eventually, the seller took a shockingly different approach and RAISED the asking price several thousand dollars above what the original asking price had been.

The house sold in a matter of days.

Perceived value can play a huge role in economics. And apparently, according to this study, there’s a perceived value that the shorter a person is, the less they can be paid.

How do we change that perception?

Let’s get thousands of people who consider themselves short in stature and under salaried, and let’s raise their pricetag – just like the homeowner raised their asking price.

Teach these individuals how to create wealth rather than have jobs. Show them how to make hundreds of thousands of dollar per month. Then showcase them as power-brokers. An elite group of people with a common characteristic of shorter stature and greater wealth can leave an indelible mark on the psyches of the world’s population that shorter people are worth paying more money than taller individuals.

We may believe the words in the Declaration of Independence of the United States that all people are created equal, but we end up seeing that people are treated unequal. Instead of waiting for someone else to change societies impressions of us, that responsibility falls into our own hands.

We may be created equal – but within our power – within our individual realms of influence - we have incredible opportunities to become unequal. We have the power to choose whether we’re treated unequal in ways we dislike, or treated unequal in ways we like.

So now that we’re working toward being treated unequally in ways we like, we’d better start making plans for using those hundreds of thousands of dollars. Right?

How about bankrolling the next grant for another round of research that will show the next wave of trends in pay as related to height - that shorter people started earning more than their taller counterparts beginning in 2003?

About The Author

C.S. Deam is a small business owner. His eBook Leverage Yourself Out of the Rat Race is available for immediate download at www.LinkertonPublishing.com where you can sign up for FREE E-Courses & Newsletters to help you on your path to self-employment.

How You Can Unite Meditation, Divine Essence And Personal Tenacity to Serve Your Highest Purpose on This Earth
 by: Burt Dubin

1. Meditation:

Meditation is a sacred practice. Shamans, gurus, priests, medicine men and other wise beings have practiced meditation for over 5000 years. In the 20th century, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi popularized one form of meditation he named Transcendental Meditation, (TM). This is a simple form of mantra meditation, easy to learn and to do.

We meditate by sitting quietly, eyes open, and concentrating on an image such as a mandala, or a candle, or sitting with closed eyes, and, in either case, repeating a mantra. A mantra is not a word. A mantra is a sound. Different sounds, repeated over and over and over again, affect energies within the body, each in its own way.

There are many ways to meditate. In most instances, you sit quietly. Teachers may recommend different postures. These include the lotus position in which the Buddha is often depicted. Diverse cultures recommend various deployments of the fingers. (one example: thumbs and forefingers lightly touching, palms up.)

When we meditate, we slow down our brain waves. We change them from the beta state, (22 cycles per second in normal waking consciousness) to the alpha state (11 cycles per second.)

This slower vibration opens up access to the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind, in turn, opens awareness of our otherwise inaccessible higher consciousness. To higher consciousness as well as to universal intelligence.

2. Divine Essence:

When a person’s intentions are pure, they surrender selflessly to their higher purpose in life. They surrender themselves in the service of the creator of us all. Diverse cultures variously call the creator God, some Allah, some the Great Spirit, some Our Heavenly Father, some use various other names, all meaning the supreme intelligence, the creator of the universe, of all that is.

In this state of surrender, a person is in touch with their divine essence. Having pure intentions, they are harmless. They are interested only in higher service.

On the other hand, some people who develop access to their higher powers, use their higher powers for selfish, negative and harmful intentions. (Darth Vader types.)

Your intuition may be trusted to inform you, to warn you of people with negative and evil designs. These people are to be resolutely avoided.

3. Bulldog Tenacity:

When we unite the practice of meditation with surrender to our divine essence, we are likely to be empathetic, loving, and harmless.

And if we are to advance ourselves in the relative world, the temporal world, the ordinary world of people, places, and events, a third quality is required.

This quality is bulldog tenacity. Do you know the nature of a bulldog? A bulldog is tenacious in defending its master and the master’s property. Their teeth lock onto the presumed invader. Their grip is an iron grip. That iron grip prevails even in death.

This means that when your intentions are noble and worthy, when the outcome of your intentions somehow contributes to making this a better world, you are to never, never, never give up.

You are to “pay any price, bear any burden” to bring your intentions into objective reality. This is the way to justify the space you take up and the resources you consume while you draw breath.

This is the way you make a positive difference in the lives you touch.

This is the way you make yourself a role model for others. And, most important of all, this is the way you leave a lasting legacy.

About The Author

Burt Dubin, a 20 year veteran of the business of speaking, coaches and mentors speakers and wanna-be’s world-wide. Burt works with people who want to be speakers and with speakers who want to be masters. The words of his clients, the admiration and respect expressed for his work by some of the world’s most successful speakers, testify to the values he delivers. For samples of his wisdom, simply go to his web-site, http://www.SpeakingBizSuccess.com.

Burt Dubin, 1 Speaking Success Road, Kingman, Arizona 86402-6543, USA. Phone 800-321-1225. Fax 928-753-7554. mailto: [email protected]

© Copyright 2003 Burt Dubin

Top Ten Tips for Living Authentically
 by: Ann Ronan, Ph.D.

1. Know your purpose

Are you wandering through life with little direction – hoping that you’ll find happiness, health and prosperity? Identify your life purpose or mission statement and you will have your own unique compass that will lead you to your truth north every time.

2. Know your values

What do you value most? Make a list of your top 5 values. Some examples are security, freedom, family, spiritual development, learning. As you set your goals for 2004 – check your goals against your values. If the goal doesn’t align with any of your top five values – you may want to reconsider it or revise it.

3. Know your needs

Unmet needs can keep you from living authentically. Take care of yourself. Do you have a need to be acknowledged, to be right, to be in control, to be loved? List your top four needs and get them met!

4. Know your passions

Honor those things that make your heart sing. Whatever it is, do more of it!

5. Live from the inside out

Increase your awareness of your inner wisdom by regularly reflecting in silence. Commune with nature. Breathe deeply to quiet your distracted mind.

6. Honor your strengths

What are your positive traits? What special talents do you have? List three – if you get stuck, ask those closest to you to help identify these. Are you imaginative, witty, good with your hands? Find ways to express your authentic self through your strengths.

7. Take time to play

Give yourself time to recharge doing things you love to do or by just doing nothing.

8. Be aware of your self-talk

Are you blocking your potential? Check out your first thoughts when you wake tomorrow. Are they supportive, encouraging or positive? Choose the kind of chatter that’s goes on in your mind. Become aware of the negative messages you give yourself. Gently catch them and turn them into positive affirmations.

9. Surround yourself with inspiration

Keep a success journal. Write down you four or five greatest strengths and post them where you can see them. On the last Friday of each month, write down all your accomplishments both big and small.

10. Serve others

When you live authentically, you may find that you develop an interconnected sense of being. When you are true to who you are, living your purpose and giving of your talents to the world around you, you give back in service what you came to share with others -your spirit – your essence.

About The Author

This piece was submitted by Ann Ronan, Ph.D., Certified Career Coach who can be reached at [email protected], or visited on the web at www.authenticlifeinstitute.com.

Ann provides resources, assistance and support to people who want to successfully take control of their careers. She works with professionals in career transition and she mentors new coaches. Live YOUR life!

A Christmas Wish
 by: Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 22, 2003

My sister is a woman now beginning her thirties. She has had few friends and her boyfriends have never been good for her. Now she has finally found a man who adores her.

They had an affair nine years back, when he was twice her age and still married. My sister ended the affair, and he separated from his wife. When my sister contacted him this spring, he finalized the divorce and they became a couple. His marriage, which was arranged by his church, was never happy.

His parents and his children are upset he divorced. His children don't want to meet his new girlfriend, and he hasn't dared to tell his parents about her. The other issue is children. She wants; he doesn't. I tell my sister they both know each other's stand on this and neither has the right to impose on the other, but neither of them wants to leave.

My whole family visited them on my sister's last birthday. It felt so nice to see them together and to see my sister get love and warmth at last. But to know at some point they will have a crash landing feels awful. She has a man who loves her, but he is entangled in a constricting family and church. Besides, there is a conflict of dreams between them.

What should I say to my sister? We try to get an equal relationship, but we are in such different circumstances. I am married with two children, a professional with friends and all things that she wants. I cannot possibly tell her, after seeing their cozy home and how they care for each other, that this is another no-go.

Who am I to know? Maybe he will come around, or maybe she will think he is more important than fulfilling her dream of children. Maybe I should just keep my "superior knowledge" to myself.

Noel

Noel, Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" is one of our favorite stories, but this tale is so familiar most of us forget the moral. Even in our old age it is not too late to change. Even in our old age it is not too late to live the life which is our birthright. But we must want to change and then follow through.

In Dickens' tale Ebenezer Scrooge is visited by the ghost of his old business partner Jacob Marley. Marley warns Scrooge where the patterns of his life are taking him, and even though Marley wants Scrooge to change, he is powerless to make him change. Scrooge must go through a journey of discovery before he is ready.

You would like to play Jacob Marley for your sister, but even Marley couldn't change Scrooge. Three spirits had to show Scrooge his past, his present, and if he did not change, his dismal future. Until Scrooge made this journey he was not ready.

That is the wisdom of the story. We must examine the past for its lessons, search the present for its patterns, and project where those patterns will lead us in the future. If those patterns lead to sadness, they must be altered to lead us to fulfillment. As Scrooge says, "Men's courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead. But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change."

Whether our life is a sad life, an abused life, or simply a flat life, we can use this simple story as a guide to breaking the patterns which lead to bad ends. You may possess the life you wish for your sister, but you do not have the power to give it to her. She will not change until she is ready. Keep your superior knowledge to yourself. If you wish to do something, give your sister a copy of "A Christmas Carol" and make a silent wish for her happiness.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: [email protected].

Where Has All the ENCHANTMENT Gone? Long Time Passing ...
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

I thought you might enjoy reading a professional article I prepared several years ago. It is just as current today and really speaks to a tragedy in our health care system that we must all try to combat. I am trying to explain some of the problems of managed care which penetrate much more deeply than out pocketbooks. These problems penetrate our minds, bodies and spirits! I am eager to hear from you, as always.

Those of us who became clinicians 15, 20, 25 and 30 years ago did so because we had a mission. Each in his or her own fashion had a reason for becoming a clinician that tapped into a need to be of service to humanity, dedicated to utilizing skills that stressed talking and listening as an art/science. We served internships, wrote dissertations and gladly entered what we saw as a 'healing' profession.

In fact, we achieved what I refer to as THE ENCHANTED SELF (i.e. Achieving Positive states of being that are a reflection of each person's uniqueness). Each was able to utilize the uniqueness of one's personal history, and talents, serving the public in a meaningful and skilled manner.

As private as the treatment room had been, most can look back on those early years, as years of collegial support and understanding. Whether one became an ego-psychologist, a behaviorist, or a family therapist, each of us knew the mentoring, and the success that went with each discipline. We were able to achieve some form of enchantment within the treatment room, offering our clients the best of ourselves, psychologically supported by our colleagues and society at large. We were confident to encourage our clients to stay for the appropriate length of treatment, comfortable making clinical judgments and enthused about learning new techniques and clinical skills. We offset our sleepless nights and anxieties around difficult clients, with elation and moments of pure joy, as we saw clients grow and heal.

Those days seem long gone. Now we are in an era of disenchantment. By that I mean we suffer the emotional and financial devastation of Managed Care. Whether a clinician chooses to practice within Managed Care or not, he or she is not protected from disenchantment. Disenchantment is all around.

The public does not respect or understand the art/science of psychotherapy as they used to. Nor are the younger clinicians trained and mentored professionally to the standards that we took for granted.

Clients come into psychotherapy, often with lowered expectations as to what therapy is, motivated primarily by their pocketbook or their Managed Care's pocketbook. They expect cures within 4, 6 or 8 sessions. After all, that is what their plan offers. They are led to believe that a few sessions are an adequate number of contact hours with a therapist. They expect miracles while no longer having a cursory understanding of what talking therapy is all about. They, like most of America , want a quick fix, and they want it now! Of course, this can not be! Nothing good happens overnight.

Giving ourselves a genuine dose of positive regard, beginning to acknowledge our talents, strengths, coping skills and lost potential; learning how to negotiate, react and act; and finally finding pleasure and replenishment in all the right places are universal necessities to living a life of meaning and purpose.

As we find ourselves as "mental health providers" in a state of disenchantment, how can we utilize what we know about human potential to offset our own emotional and spiritual malaise? We know from the study of human potential that optimism and hope are extremely important factors in staying well both physically and emotionally. How can we hold on to these capacities within ourselves? How can we at the same time fight Managed Care? In my book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy, I discuss how important our own histories are. Each of us has accumulated many memories. Our memory banks are unique to ourselves and hold within them, the potential for hope and optimism. Let me explain.

Only you can review your life's history. Rather than looking for dysfunctional aspects of your past, search out and discover moments when you displayed talents, strengths and/or wonderful coping skills. Only you can review your life, discovering and recognizing the moments when you were filled with the potential for growth and success even if you were stymied. Now is a golden opportunity to look through your past and recognize these wondrous moments.

Perhaps as a child you excelled at playing chess or tennis. Perhaps you were the child that brought home and nurtured abandoned birds and animals. Perhaps you longed to study the piano but there was no money and you could not take lessons. Yet even now you may remember the longing you had to play, or, perhaps to fend off feelings of anxiety in a quarreling fancily, you developed marvelous organizational skills. Were you the adolescent that displayed leadership skills, becoming president of the junior high school student council? Or were you the child that loved to dance or write poetry or just sit and daydream? You, who have guided so many others in finding their paths, can take the time to review your own history to find what is most positive about yourself.

Once you have begun to review and itemize your talents, strengths, coping skills and potential you are well on your way to bringing enchantment back into your life. Even during these dark days of Managed Care you can utilize your own enchantment in several fashions. You may discover in reviewing your past that you have much more potential to help in the fight for Managed Care then you thought was possible. Directing yourself to be a clearer and stronger warrior in the battle will in and of itself decrease anxiety and lessen the likelihood of depression. We all know that from what we advise our clients.

If a review of your past makes clear that you are not cleared to be a warrior in this battle, you can still access long forgotten talents and pleasures which can make your life more fulfilling. Perhaps it is time to take up tennis again. After all, you may have a few more open hours. Perhaps it is time to join a writer's group or offer volunteer services on the local first aid squad. Perhaps it is time to finally make those plans for a walking or biking tour next summer and use extra hours to strengthen those old leg muscles. In reviewing your talents you may discover new avenues to provide mental health services to your local community.

Remember, whatever way you go, you will find yourself most successful if you are utilizing your own specific talents, and coping skills. You will soon find that you are able to expand your horizons and have a more positive sense of yourself. You will be back on the road to enchantment.

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her fre e e-group at www.enchantedself.com. . Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm.
[email protected]

Coming To Your Senses, Again and Again!
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

When we talk about the Enchanted Self we are referring to positive states of mind and body that are unique to each of us. We are also referring to the process by which we tap into our Enchanted Self. (The name I have given to this delightful, happy, elevated part of us that knows how to have fun, feel alive and be joyful.) One step in the process is learning how to heighten and how to return to positive states of mind and body. Our memories always assist us.

As autumn flows into winter this a time when most of us prepare ourselves emotionally and physically for the Holiday Season. Many of us have just come off or a great American tradition: Thanksgiving. In fact, I am sitting at my computer right now feeling stuffed--too much pie and too many nuts, sweet potatoes, ice cream and who knows what else!

I am literally thankful to be sitting here, though, already 'full' both in the tummy and the heart with more good memories to bank in my personal memory account. I had the pleasure of time with my children and grandchildren and some other dear relatives. The minor aggravations already look smaller as I move away from Thanksgiving, and the good moments look larger as they take a place in my personal story. How can I even further enhance feeling good right now? How also can I get a quick fix of good emotional energies, when I need them, when I don't feel as great as I do now?

The most important first step is to focus on, review and then 'bank' our current positive moments. For example, rather than focusing on how tired I felt this morning as the weekend came to a close, I reviewed all the good moments over the last few days. I used my senses to help me. I remembered visually the pleasant scenes--sitting with family, joking in the car. I remembered sounds--my grandson's sweet little voice and laughter. I remembered aromas--the smell of the fresh applesauce I made on Thursday. I remembered touch--hugging our cousins. I remembered tastes--the pecan pie brought from Pittsburgh ... yum!

So, because I had some current wonderful moments I took advantage of them and literally savored them! I practiced tasting them again and again. I looked for the sensory part of each memory. A very important way to stimulate positive memories is to utilize your senses: taste, smell, touch, hearing and vision. Very simply stated, your senses provide information, which are transmitted to your brain helping you to perceive the world in which you live. You may never have paid any particular attention to your five senses but when focused upon individually or in groups, they can provide the stimuli necessary to recapture positive experiences either to help 'bank' them for further review and uplift or to go to your memory bank when you need to and take out some old memories that you can once again enjoy by remembering the smells, tastes, feelings, sights and sounds that went with them!

I hope the above serves as a little 'present' for you and that you will try the following play-date with enchantment.

A Play-date With Enchantment Using the Past to Your Pleasurable Advantage

Here is an exercise that can help you to retrieve positive images and sensations focusing on one or more of your senses. Begin by closing your eyes and listening to the sounds around you. Listen for a few minutes. When you feel drawn to a particular sound, stay with it. Allow yourself to mentally wonder remembering to focus on the positive. When you are ready, open your eyes and find an object to hold in your hands, such as an article of clothing. Close your eyes and explore the object, listen to the sounds around you. What positive memories and experiences are evoked by focusing on two of your senses, i.e. touch and hearing. Try this exercise mixing and matching your other senses.

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her fre e e-group at www.enchantedself.com. . Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm.
[email protected]

Magic Potions We All Need This Time of Year
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

As winter descends we begin to feel the chill of shorter days and less sunlight. For many of us, less hours of light combined with colder temperatures results in us feel less light emotionally. For some of us, who actually have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) gloom really sets in. This gloom often has to be offset by either full spectrum lighting and/or various psychotropic medications.

For people with mild versions of feeling down or sad at this time of year, I'd like to suggest a way to lighten ourselves and bring more light back into our lives. My suggestion is the use of magic potions. Did I say "magic potions?" You thought I was a positive psychologist, not a magician or a medieval enchantress of some type! Yes, I said "magic potions" and yes, indeed, I am a positive psychologist. So what do I mean? Let me explain.

When I talk about magic potions--an expression I use to add drama and fire to our cold winter days--I am really talking about individual mental health formulas designed for each person. These are available in various sizes, shapes and compositions. Just like the old fashioned pharmacy where the pharmacist got out his mortar and pestle and mixed a compound for you when you didn't feel well, our mental health magic potions are that unique, requiring individual mixing. In fact, a compound that agrees with me may not agree with you. So it is very important to take the time to mix exactly what each of us need. This is necessary for the full affect of joy and rejuvenation that each of us so deserve this holiday season.

Now let's look at what makes a mental health potion real magic. The best way I can initially teach you about these magic potions is by example. For me, a magic potion this time of year is simply to walk outside of the house, as I did this morning to listen to a crow up in a tree calling its song. This ordinary bird, not usually sought after for its song, has always quickened my heart and unleashed a momentary but real sense of well-being.

For many, many years I've wondered why. The best I can determine is that I have memories, partially forgotten, which I call in my book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, "shadow prints of the mind."

These vague memories are without a clear storyline but do seem to take me back to my grandmother Rose Silverman that I loved so much. The crow's call starts a memory trace that includes Rosen Road where my grandparents lived. I do not remember any crows calling, but I do remember lying in my bed and experiencing the wider world through an open window. I felt content lying there, enjoying the aromas of flowers and cooking, the street noises, including children's voices laughing and shouting, cars and, of course, nature's voice: the birds chirping, and the trees rustling. All of this made me feel so safe, drowsily content and anticipating what our adventures that day would be.

Perhaps I'd get to ride on the swan boats downtown at Boston Common, feed the pigeons and grandpa would buy me a balloon. Or maybe we would be going to visit a relative and I would be offered a wonderful box of chocolates from which to pick one or two special selections. Then I would get to dance and show off and receive some well appreciated praise.

How lovely to bring all that back in a flash! I want to thank the crow that was up in the tree today for being there and so exquisitely offering me the exact mental health potion that I needed to start my day.

Here's another example of a simple, magical potion that compounds beautifully for me. This past Sunday was a lovely day but by 4:00 pm, shadows were already appearing suggesting the inevitable gloom I feel as sunlight disappears and dusk arrives by 4:30 or 4:45 pm. Rather than stay at home, perhaps even doing some necessary paperwork or even a more household-like chore such as tidying my front hall closet, I abandoned my house and took myself down to the boardwalk near where we live.

For an hour I went back and forth on this short boardwalk savoring the smells that still lingered from autumn, as well as the visionary experience of watching the sky slowly get darker. I enjoyed the extra light in the sky near the ocean, hearing the waves as I walked and occasionally sharing a friendly "hello" with another passerby.

Then, of course, I returned home to all the mundane chores--the first one being preparing dinner. However, I did have my magical potion still running through my body giving me an infusion that carried me through the rest of that night. Thus you see how magic can happen when we design mental health formulas designed for each person!

We're going to continue to talk about mental health magical potions again in the next issue. Let's stop for the time being so you can begin to prepare your individual mental health magical potion!

Mental Health Magical Potions: Suggestions to Consider in Creating Your Individual Compound

1. Stay alert to moments during the day that seem to please you or refresh you. I had to become alert to my responses to the call of a crow before I was able to realize that his call filled me with a sense of well being. There are probably sounds, aromas, visual scenery, or even certain people you see during the day that also arouse positive reactions in you. You may know exactly why, such as when I see Sally her smile is just like my Aunt Rose's.

Or they may be vague ('shadow prints'), such as the way I enjoy driving down this street more than that street but I don't know why. It doesn't matter. Look for your magical potions wherever you can find them during these dark days of winter.

2. Stay alert for magical potions that can help your body as well as your mind stay feeling good this season. Do you like to walk? If yes, it's a really great idea to walk as much as possible this time of year. Are you more of a couch potato? Well, maybe there is still some enlivening things you can do, even moving your arms in various circles and motions as you sit watching television. Even that amount of exercise can help the mind/body connection stay in a more positive state.

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her fre e e-group at www.enchantedself.com. . Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm.
[email protected]

Coping as a Tool of Enchantment
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

Many of my readers write to me about the tensions of everyday life. Not only do people wonder how to relax, but people often ask, "How do I learn to better cope with what faces me? Can THE ENCHANTED SELF help with the overwhelming frenzy of everyday life? Can it help when I am really down or something really goes wrong?" Absolutely!

In my newsletter, I often talk about the power of our positive memories. I emphasize this power because so often people focus on their negative and unpleasant memories. However, THE ENCHANTED SELF is much more than the retrieval of positive memories. It is the recognition of what works to make us thrive as human beings, and the courage to live fully. One of the marvelous ways we can use our enchanted memory banks is to look backwards in time to recognize our coping skills. For example, perhaps

you came from a dysfunctional family, where one or both parents were alcoholics. You were the oldest child and you developed a multitude of skills, including organizational skills, running a household, and abilities to negotiate, calm and quiet others. These skills, although they had their origin in dysfunction, are precious gifts as an adult. Perhaps you are already using them in a career or in your personal life.

At times using a coping skill from childhood may mean giving yourself permission to do something as an adult that felt good as a child. For example, Marsha used to love to blow bubbles as a child. Now as a busy business woman, when she feels stressed out she will often take out a bottle of bubbles and let herself go back in time to that fun feeling of blowing bubbles, watching those magical spheres of light fill her office, creating miniature rainbows of delight.

Setting aside some time for myself, I recently experienced a way to cope with the hustle and bustle of my life. It is an activity which Peter Eno, our Tai Chi instructor calls a meditative walk. A group of people walk in a circle very slowly, taking their time and letting themselves experience open space in their thinking at the same time keeping pace in unison with each other. In a sense, one becomes a member of a very slow circular parade. This walk offers me a sense of connection with others and at the same time it gives me a chance for my mind to settle down in a peacefulness and comfort.

Random thoughts pop in and out as I walk around the room, but I also experience pleasurable feelings of comfort, relaxation and a warm sensation that goes way back to my grandmother's apartment in Brookline. Fresh air is coming in through the window as I wake contentedly to the bustle of sparrows on the windowsill. The birds chirp in a space that feels timeless yet totally safe. As I walk, I go back and forth in time from Grandma’s spare bedroom to Peter’s studio. At times I become aware of the sensation of being one with the weather, the noise of a lawn mower, the wail of a train’s horn. After the meditative walk I feel refreshed. I feel ready to cope with everyday life. The meditative walk not only helped me get in touch with long ago Enchanted Moments at my grandmother’s house, but it has replenished me so that I have coping skills to handle my life now.

If we can’t cope, how can we find enchantment? If we don’t learn to recognize enchantment, how can we have the energy to cope?

I have used walking as a coping skill since childhood. Ever since walking back and forth to school twice a day, I have been able to use walking to calm me down--giving me time to think and process what was on my mind. So actually a meditative walk gives me a time for enchanted memories, using a coping skill that began as a childhood routine.

Exercise:

Make a list of five coping skills you have. Examples are: determination, a sense of humor, running, cooking up a storm, reading romantic novels. Now look at your list and pick one or two of your coping skills. Play with them in your mind for the next week in two ways:

1. At least once a day, congratulate yourself on your wonderful survivor capacities.

2. Play with new ways you could use these skills to bring you pleasure. Perhaps it is time to take a gourmet-cooking course, time to write a romantic novel, or maybe time to send jokes via e-mail on the computer. Don t get discouraged. Just have fun! Hang in there. Remember you have an ENCHANTED SELF.

You are capable of achieving positive states again and again, and you have coping capacities to find personal enchantment, again and again.

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her fre e e-group at www.enchantedself.com. . Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm.
[email protected]

Your Personal Treasure Chest
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

Sometimes it is helpful to review several of the basic components of THE ENCHANTED SELF. That's what I've decided to do this time.

Discovering your ENCHANTED SELF is a new way for you to achieve better mental and physical health. It is based on research documenting that within each of us there resides the capacity for achieving states of well-being again and again.

What makes THE ENCHANTED SELF different from other holistic therapies are the tools we use on the journey. One of the major tools I use is to encourage people to tap into their own personal memory banks, looking for positive memories that either made you feel good or contained within them aspects of your talents, skills, or potential.

Usually I talk about memories that we retrieve via our mind. However, I want to mention that memories are not just housed in our minds. Memories also reside in our bodies. Learning how to look for positive memories and listen to the wisdom of our body is also part of THE ENCHANTED SELF journey or process. I talk much less about the body than the mind. However, it is very much a factor in the experience of delight and maintaining a sense of well-being.

If I enjoyed rocking on the porch as a child I may well enjoy the slow circular movements of Tai Chi as an adult. If I hated roller skating as a kid and feared falling, I may not want to do anything that involves slipping and sliding as an adult.

Searching for your ENCHANTED SELF is akin to going on a treasure hunt. It is very thrilling to reach into your treasure chest of stored memories and discover strengths and talents that were never recognized or validated. It's like finding a diamond in the rough just waiting to be polished.

In my book, THE ENCHANTE SELF, A Positive Therapy, I discuss how I too had to reframe some of my past.

I was amazed to look at myself and what I did again and now see strengths and talents that I had not celebrated.

Like any new endeavor, people may sometimes find it difficult to begin the journey. What really helped me was seeing that even parts of myself that I had not valued earlier because I felt uncomfortable about them or the culture didn't support those traits, ultimately helped to define me, give me shape as a person and literally became the components of my life story.

Those details are presented in my first book and are way beyond the scope of this little article, but here is a simple play date with Enchantment to get you started:

A Playdate With Enchantment

Quickly review the past twenty-four hours. Write down ten positive happenings that occurred in your life during that time. Positive happenings could be just continuing to breath, receiving a phone call from a high school friend, watching beams of sunlight sparkling in a puddle of water, playing a game of basketball or tennis, or taking a dance class.

For me, I succeeded in cleaning out one more little pile of papers, had lunch with some great friends and fought my way mentally out of a bad mood! And I haven't finished the search. Perhaps the best moment was holding Blackie, my big obviously black cat, on my lap while sitting in the dark outside. He felt really good!

In reviewing the list we can break down these positive experiences into several categories:

1. Those that give a general sense of well being.

2. Those that reflect specific talents and interests.

3. Those that suggest potential capacities.

As we begin to realize our ENCHANTED SELVES, one of the first steps is documenting and learning to recognize what already works for us. Because the shoe already fits and feels good does not trivialize it! Celebrate what is already working for you. You enjoy your cup of coffee in the morning and the paper? Great. That is a wonderful small habit that works for you!

In our society, we have a tendency to disregard and diminish our personal small successes and states of well being. I believe this is a reflection of our tendency to focus on our dysfunction and what is not working for us, rather than what does work.

The more that we can recognize and validate what does work for us, the closer we come to achieving states of well being. That's why I want you to really make a list of what did work and felt good in the last twenty-four hours. You may be very surprised at how much went right! As they say, try it. You'll like it!

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her fre e e-group at www.enchantedself.com. . Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm.
[email protected]

The Enchantment of Tribes to Belong To
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

I am remembering and have a desire to share with you, a beautiful story told to me by a young lady. It was the end of the World War II and her dad was returning home. He came from a very close network of Italian families that lived near each other in New Jersey.

He had a ride back from where his ship had docked. Of course he was filled with emotion as he came closer and closer to home. Suddenly, about five miles from home, he asked to be dropped off. He had decided to walk the last few miles himself and give himself time to emotionally "arrive". He wanted to savor every moment of coming home! This was a time to feel the essence of the town he came from, to savor pleasant memories of growing up as he walked and to allow his anticipation to build even further. Every step took him closer to friends and loved ones! He looked at every tree. He enjoyed every house he passed. He didn't even feel the weight of his duffel bag flung over his shoulder. He took his time walking. His parents knew that he was coming home soon, but they didn't know exactly when. Thank G-d he was alive! That knowledge was enough to sustain them.

Meanwhile, as he walked several people recognized him. Some called out "hello" and several ran up to him and hugged him. He was offered rides, but refused. However, behind closed doors the magic began. As he passed by these people, the news was quickly transmitted on the telephone that he was coming! Joe's son was home from the war. Pass the word. And they did.

By the time he got down to his street the street was filled with friends and family waiting for him. Would you believe several hundred? People shouted and clapped. He was hugged and kissed. His bag was taken from him. Everyone wanted to be near him. "Make room for Joe and Rosie! For goodness sake, let them get near their own son!" He literally had to work his way through the crowd of neighbors and other relatives to fall into the arms of his mom and dad. How good it felt to be held again by the two people who loved him so much! And where was that pretty young woman that he meant to look up now that he was home? Oh, well, that would have to wait at least one more day. The rest of today was filled with fresh Italian foods, wine, hugs, stories and a place to come home too.

What a beautiful story. We all need a place to come home to--a place to be loved, to feel connected and with purpose. In The Enchanted Self I teach about belonging to tribes and how important it is. I even feel the energy of the tribe that this young man belonged to and I wasn't there. The positive energy was so strong that it not only filled his granddaughter--and could still be transmitted to me--and I hope to you.

He needed his tribe and his tribe needed him. He needed his time to re-enter. The energies connecting him and his tribe were so strong that he could not just be dropped off. He had to re-enter slowly at first and prepared himself for the intensity of connection. His tribe likewise prepared itself by a wonderful signal system--smoke coming up in puffs on the desert. The system worked so well that by the time he arrived a celebration was already up and running.

Tribes are our gift to ourselves. They offer us a gateway so we can come back again and again. They offer us a signal system so that the important things are transmitted in a timely fashion, and they offer us the welcoming arms that help us belong, feel appreciated and have a place. May each of us have the gift of the right tribes in our lives.

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her fre e e-group at www.enchantedself.com. . Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm.
[email protected]

Q & A How to Find a Great Search Firm
 by: Steve Hall

Q & A

Q: Are people sometimes cautious of ‘headhunters’?

A. Yes. However the industry has evolved over the last decade and steadily gained more respect. Now recruiters go to the same lengths that other professionals do to be certified by obtaining a Certified Personnel Consultant (CPC) designation.

Q: Is it appropriate to approach a professional recruiter or should the recruiter pursue the job seeker?

A: It is very common for both to occur. Our search firm, FGP International (Find Great People) has been building its own proprietary database of candidates and contacts for nearly 22 years. This has been done by active contact on our part as well as by referrals from those who respect our approach. If you contact a firm directly you need to do your homework before simply sending a resume. We are not “all alike”.

Q: Which is best? Contingency or Retained?

A: Both types have merit. A Retained search firm is paid in advance and will typically be dealing with Executive and Senior level officials. Searches where the base salary start in the mid 100k area and exceed 300k. Contingency firms will work mostly on searches below those salary levels. Contingency firms are routinely paid only if the person they present is hired by the company. Each have their place.

Q: Say you are a candidate for a position. What is the next step after this?

A: After a recruiter presents your background to a potential employer, he or she should contact you frequently to keep you aware of where you are in the interview process. Routine cooperation and feedback is expected from the company, and the individual seeking a position. Once the client company desires to proceed with an interview the recruiter would facilitate the interview process.

Q: How do you know a search firm is right for you?

A: Investigate the firm to see if it is specialized in any industries or any particular niches. It is always best to contact the search firm that coincides with your area of professional interest. Once you begin working with a search firm, ask yourself these questions. How cooperative is the search firm with you? Will they give you feedback, and will they give it to you in a timely manner? Make a phone call first before sending a resume. Ask them to walk you through their standard approach of the placement process.

Q: Is the size of the firm important?

A: Multiple consultants mean a more diverse client base, and a larger network of client contacts. There are many of solo practitioners (recruiters who work alone) in this field. Unless the solo practitioner is known throughout the country, they will be limited in their effectiveness of placing because they are only one person. With eleven consultants, my firm, FGP International, can cross-sell to our client base across multiple disciplines.

Q: How can you tell if a search firm or consultant performed well in the past?

A: It’s perfectly all right to ask. Find out what percentage of repeat business (from the companies) the firm has. If they don’t have an answer, that’s a good indication that it’s not high and that may point to their ineffectiveness.

Q: What is the best way to evaluate an individual consultant?

A: Ask them their interview to hire ratio. The industry standard is between 4 and 7:1. If the number goes higher, then the consultant may have an inability to understand the job, the company, or the candidate’s abilities when conducting the search, thereby introducing the wrong people on the wrong position.

Q: For job hunters that may want to entertain the idea of relocation, what is the best way to evaluate a search firm?

A: First, determine your own geographical focus. Then, pinpoint a search firm with a similar focus. Some firms are local and statewide, while others are national and international. A national or international search firm would be desirable, if your geographical preference is broad.

About The Author

Steve Hall has been a professional recruiter with Find Great People International (http://www.findgreatpeople.com), in Greenville, South Carolina, for 14 years. He specializes in IT and manages consultants in apparel, finance and health care. Steve has averaged a 3 to 1 interview to hire ratio, while the industry standard is 7 to 1.
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Tempering Temper
 by: John Minard

I'm almost always a calm and collected person. Or at least I think I am. Yet on rare occasions, when I least expect it, some set of circumstances, emotions, or harsh words will override my calm capacity and spark a momentary surge of temper. 'Ever happen to you?

For instance, I remember a business meeting where I once felt that one individual was chopping down every idea I suggested - often before I'd finished explaining it. After a few rounds of interruptions, I retorted: "Well, if you'd let me complete an idea, it might not be as bad as you think." The tone of my remark put a hush on the meeting. Embarrassed by my response, I resolved to stay quite during the rest of the meeting. The other person didn't say much either. Actually I felt really bad about barking at that person, who probably didn't even realize they were cutting me off.

A day or two later I got up the courage to give this person a call. We both apologized and agreed that temper had gotten the best of us. Our moment of mutual contrition became a quiet pact of mutual respect. In subsequent meetings we became better listeners, especially to each other, and often supportive of each other's ideas.

Over the years I've learned a lot about tempering, and even eliminating temper or anger in my thoughts and words. It can be done! One of my favorite spirituality writers Mary Baker Eddy states this point simply: "The good in human affection must have ascendancy over the evil, or happiness will never be won. (Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures)"

Over the years, I think I've gained much greater control over temper and anger by cultivating the good in my human affection so it can have ascendancy over any tendency to fight evil with evil. It's like putting on a hate-proof armor when I strive to see the innate goodness in myself and others - all others. I like to think of unselfish goodness as the normal disposition of all of God's children. Striving to view others this way has, many times, prevented me from being irked by harsh words, or even malicious acts. Because siding with unconditional goodness overrides the human nature to react.

This type of approach is summed up by the profound truth, known as the Golden Rule, expressed in many beliefs and moral traditions: "Do undo others, as you would have them do unto you." Following this promotes the ascendancy of goodness. It quells temper, cools the hot buttons of hatred or revenge, and brings dominion and peace to our lives.

About The Author

John Minard has been a spiritual healer for twenty years and has a practice in the Philadelphia/New Jersey area. Using the prayer-based system, as explained in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, by Mary Baker Eddy, John helps others find healing, spiritual value, and well being for physical, mental, emotional, relationship, and financial problems. He can be reached at [email protected] for more information on Science and Health visit http://www.spirituality.com.

Darkness of Winter Encourages Insights
 by: Carol McClelland, Ph.D.

The darkness of Winter has descended.

For many the long stormy nights of Winter and the proverbial dark night of the soul are uncomfortable.

In addition to being dark, times like these can feel cold, lonely and boring. Whether the dark makes you feel sad, depressed, confused, uneasy or fearful, you may be quick to counteract your discomfort by searching for ways to create more light, companionship, and activity in your life.

Although bringing light to a dark time may alleviate your sense uneasiness, if too much light is brought on too quickly, a magical time of healing and connection is disrupted. In the long run, you'll see more progress if you learn to work with the darkness rather than deny its existence.

The Magic of Darkness

Being in the dark heightens our senses.

~~ We hear more acutely. As a result we are more likely to catch messages from our intuition.

~~ We perceive subtle connections more easily because our minds are not cluttered with extraneous details.

~~ We tap our creativity more deeply. Poems, paintings, and songs are often crafted by people who are wrestling with some aspect of their life.

When you are in the midst of an inner Winter, these are precisely the skills you need to turn your situation around.

Find Comfort in the Darkness

If you find yourself disliking the dark of Winter, create ways to enhance your sense of comfort during these times. Gather:

~~ A warm, cozy blanket and some big fluffy pillows to create a safe nest for yourself.

~~ A huggable stuffed animal--a big teddy bear that feels like it's hugging you back is a great choice.

~~ An array of candles to bring some sacred points of light to your setting.

~~ A favorite CD or tape with music that moves you.

~~ A notebook and pen for writing your thoughts as they come to you.

~~ An evening or day in your calendar that's devoted just to you.

The most productive thing you can do during Winter is nothing. That's right. Give yourself the gift of time to be in solitude with no expectations or pressures to "accomplish" anything significant. Give yourself complete permission to unplug for several hours or several days. Unwind. Take long luxurious naps. Daydream to your heart's content.

The Gift of Insight

You really never know how or when the insights will come, so follow your heart and do what feels best in the moment. Your answers may appear during your retreat or afterwards as you return to your daily life.

Don't push. The gift of insight is not something you can demand or force. Insights come when the time is right.

Your only job right now is to cultivate an environment and state of mind that encourages new, creative thoughts and ideas to come through. Be open and receptive to unexpected answers. Be observant and make note of any new thoughts that occur to you.

Honor the Darkness

With time, you will come to know when your body and soul need some quiet time. You'll begin to sense when something significant is brewing and gestating.

When you feel this feeling, act upon your premonition by creating time and space in your life for some time alone.

Gift yourself with an intentional retreat. Catch the sparks of insight as they appear. Don't rush to conclusions, but allow the outcome to unfold in time as you live your life.

May the darkness that surrounds you be full of sparkling insights this Winter season.

About The Author

Carol McClelland, Ph.D. uses nature’s response to the change of seasons to show people how they can make transitions gracefully and effectively. Her book, The Seasons of Change, is available in English and Spanish. Her free Seasons of Change eNewsletter inspires, supports, and guides people in transition and is distributed eight times a year as the seasons change. To subscribe, visit http://www.seasonsofchange.com
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