Really Scary Stuff…
 by: Gene Simmons

With the probable exception of some basic instincts – or motivation toward self-preservation – we’ve just flat learned to be afraid of about all the rest of the stuff we’re afraid of. I know, the word “about” is a cop-out but I’m using it because I’m not really sure where this next mega-fear comes from. Maybe it’s an instinct thing, too. I dunno…

The one fear that trips most of us up is – the FEAR of the UNKNOWN!! It has provided the foundation for some really great movies and TV programs but it has also managed to slap the snot out of most of us at one time or another

To start, let’s lump a bunch of this together into the category we’ll simply label as “The Future” (I think I’m overdoing this capitalization stuff. Sorry…) Most of us have a tendency to spend an inordinate amount of time and energy thinking about what is lurking just around the corner. We imagine (as in image – create a mental picture of) all sorts of bad things. We latch onto a few perceived facts and using our worst mental programming, fill in the blanks with the very worst negative scenarios we can possible conjure up. We then extrapolate from this erroneous foundation through all the imaginary conversations and situations to the most creative, catastrophic conclusion possible. What a cool thing to be able to do! But here’s the best part. If we focus really, really hard on our mental movie, there’s a fairly good chance that some of it may actually come true!

For those of you who are sure that I’ve blown a gasket, just hangy on a minute and you’ll see where I’m going with this…

OK, back to the future (I think I’ll suggest that as a title for a movie trilogy…). Here’s what we know for sure about our future. Nothing! Zip! Nada! Gar Nichts! Zero! It just ain’t happened yet – at least that we know of. And yes, based on our knowledge of the facts related to a given situation coupled with a fair amount of deductive reasoning we can predict with varying degrees of accuracy what may happen on down the road. But can we really know? Ain’t no way! Life has altogether too many variables to be able to plug them into a pat formula to predict the future.

I could waste time and space here giving you a pile of examples on how our personal projections have turned out to be something other than we expected. We’ve all had enough life experiences so we can individually look back and grab a few dozen on our own. Just think about projected conversations or confrontations with your boss, employees, significant other or children that never came to pass and you’ll get the idea.

We “what if” and yeah but” ourselves into inaction and/or mega-stress. We numb ourselves out to prevent us from facing our imaginary future. We think of a thousand ways to avoid the catastrophic future that we’re so certain awaits us. Why do we do that?

What’s the alternative to this miserable approach to life? How about taking whatever facts – I repeat, facts – we can gather on the situation and using them as a foundation for our projections, fill in the blanks (the unknown stuff) with positive scenarios. For planning purposes and to provide a bit of flexibility, it’s a decent idea to snag maybe two or three different positive possible blank fillers that could provide a couple of positive outcomes. Focus on these positives and start taking whatever steps you need to take to address your situation. Slide into your future with the probable assurance that the outcome will – at least in the long run – be beneficial to everyone concerned. (If the outcome is not nearly as pleasant as you would have wanted, at least look for the lesson contained in the whole situation. There probably is one in there for you.)

Focusing on the potential positives really does give us a distinct advantage. It first of all, provides a more constructive (as opposed to self-destructive) foundation to use to draw up a reasonably logical plan of action. It helps us feel better about the whole process. Instead of being scared about the possible monsters lurking in the darkness somewhere down our path, we are better able to use our adrenaline surges as the fuel to blast us into – and through – the upcoming adventure. And – no BS here – the more we focus on positive efforts and a resulting positive outcome to our situation, the more likely it is that the end result of our endeavor really will be positive! It’s sort of like a self-fulfilling prophecy thing. We will usually get out of life no more than we expect.

Our mind is pretty incredible. It is capable of whisking us down the road to our own special hell – or propelling us toward a considerably more desirable destination. The direction we wind up traveling is up to us.

About The Author

Gene, through NuPathz.com, provides an easy reading self-help blog along with affordable books and materials written to help folks find the road to a more enjoyable lifestyle, to pass on some of life’s “secrets for survival” in a chaotic world & offer a few smiles along the way. It's a down-to-earth, simple approach to discovering a better life. This article is an excerpt from Gene's blog posted on 9/21/03. You can visit Gene at http://www.nupathzcom/
[email protected]

Hurry Up And Procrastinate
 by: David Leonhardt

I've been meaning to write this column, but I keep putting it off. There always seems to be something better or more important or easier to write about.

Everybody is rushing to enter the contest to find America's Biggest Procrastinator ( http://www.AmericasBiggestProcrastinator.com ). As an expert in the field, I will help you win the contest. Even if you are not American, just tell them you you've been meaning to immigrate. That should actually win you some bonus points.

America is just teeming with procrastinators. Some delay important surgery. Some people hold off on taking courses or changing jobs. Others delay household chores. Americans delay cleaning up and filing. They put off buying a car, washing the car, selling the car, and even learning to drive the car. Some even hold off on getting born (That was me. Sorry Mom.).

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. And many Americans have even eliminated that pesky last minute. Dr. Duit Later explains, "It's a lifestyle choice. A professional procrastinator delays walking the dog until the last minute. By then he is busy holding off the lawn mowing. He'll never get to the mowing, even in the last minute, because he spends that last minute not cleaning up after the dog. With so much to delay, the last minute never arrives."

One contestant bought over $15,000.00 of software in the past two years "to help me with my computer,80% of it is still unopened and or unused." It might help if he started by removing the computer from its packaging.

Another contestant describes how "we go to our Wal-Mart bags to find what we need because we never put them away." I laughed at that one. I thought that was pretty funny. Ha ha ha. My wife was not laughing. She pointed to the Costco boxes piled high beside the door. "But those aren't Wal-Mart bags," I protested with all the conviction of a soggy noodle.

My wife opened the fridge door. "We have soggy noodles. And soggy buns. And soggy apples. We have a soggy collection. Think it might be time to clean the fridge?" Sigh. Master procrastinators are rarely appreciated.

Procrastination has some interesting side effects. A professional procrastinator always marvels at how clean the restrooms are at service stations.

A true procrastinator never gets his Christmas tree up before Christmas. Unless it's still there from last year, of course.

A skilled procrastinator always reads her mail – but only after the postman comes up to her apartment to complain. One contestant finally emptied her mailbox to find mail from six months earlier.

A determined procrastinator goes several years without pouring his own bathwater or putting out his own garbage. After a while, the community gets involved.

No true procrastinator shovels snow. The snow will hopefully melt in a few months.

Even with talented contestants, you can win this contest if you don't try hard enough.

I thought about entering the contest myself. I delayed college graduation by several years. I have a dozen jigsaw puzzles still sealed in their boxes. We have two chandeliers to put up...someday. The baby probably needs a diaper change. Again. Or still.

I was just about to enter the contest, when I came up with an ingenious way to disqualify myself. I offered to put up part of the second prize, a copy of my book Climb Your Stairway to Heaven: the 9 habits of maximum happiness. http://thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html .

With me out of the race, this might finally be the contest you can win. You see, I know a little secret about all the contestants – a fatal flaw that makes every one of them vulnerable. Nobody can legitimately win this year's contest ...unless they enter next year.

Technical notes: To make this column on procrastination authentic, I attempted to withhold it. But my agent gave me "The Frown". If you ever saw The Frown, your boots would still be trembling.

So I decided to submit the column uncompleted. Surely that qualifies as procrastination. But this time my agent gave me "The Double Frown". That sent shivers down through my toenails.

I considered sending my column in one word at a time, with each letter cut from a newspaper or magazine like a painfully long ransom note. But my agent told me about her emergency "death ray" frown, so I gave up.

But wait! You can make this true procrastination by not reading any more until next year. Stop reading. If you are still reading, you are failing to procrastinate. Stop now. If you are not reading this sentence, congratulations – you are a champion procrastinator.

About The Author

David Leonhardt writes the Happy Guy humor column:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html
and A Daily Dose of Happiness:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html .
He also wrote Inspiration & Motivation To Go
http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php
and The Get Happy Workbook:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-workbook.html
[email protected]

Budget the Luxuries First!
 by: Andy White

Strictly speaking, his advice was preceded by another Heinlein maxim as well. "Sovereign ingredient for a happy marriage: Pay cash or do without. Interest charges not only eat up a household budget; awareness of debt eats up domestic felicity." Today, that advice gets abused eight ways to Sunday, as the average household is currently carrying credit card debt to the tune of over $10,000. Assuming an interest rate of 18%, this works out to about 150 bucks a month going to the credit card company. That’s money NOT available for things like fresh flowers on your desk... new skis... upgrading to gourmet coffees and wines for daily consumption, or dinner out (including tips and babysitter).

Luxury item #1: Get out of consumer debt

Being debt-free is an incredible luxury! There are a ton of books and articles out there already on how to budget and avoid debt, so I won't hold forth on how to do it. The important issue is WHY to do it. And the answer is simple. Peace of mind is the ultimate luxury!

Luxury item #2: Make some time to make a wish list!

While putting the wheels in motion on reducing debt, there's a happier issue to think through as well: What is it you really want out of life? Peace of mind (and of household) starts with asking these Really Big Questions!

More importantly (assuming you actually care about your relationship), what is it your partner craves? If you don't know, well... it can be fun finding out. Too many financial planning exercises are painful, which is why not enough people do them. This exercise, finding out what really matters to you both, isn't.

What are the things in life that really feel like luxury to you? Now is the time to identify them, and separate out the smaller, less satisfying things you’re paying for that keep you from getting what you really want.

To keep to the spirit of fun, I’ve found it's useful to agree to some simple ground rules:

    * Make some unbroken wish list time for the two of you
    * There are no such things as 'silly ideas' or 'waste of money' items during the wish list time (that will come later on during a reality-check period)
    * No impulse spending during the wish list time! Window shop if you want, share a seat in front of the computer if you’re looking online... my preference is to go hang out in antique markets and bohemian shopping districts for ideas, but you might prefer to go visit a travel agent’s office or web site. It DOESN'T matter!
    * Each partner gets equal time to show off their ideas if they want it.

Being realistic, there will, of course, be a price tag associated with the wish list. Also being realistic, not all luxuries cost an arm and a leg, either. If you have the iron will to make a strict budget and do without so that you can go hang out in Tuscany for a month next fall, good for you (and yours!) If you're like me, though, it may make sense to make do with lesser luxuries.

Luxury item #3: Keep looking until you find reasonably-priced luxuries that really make your life more worth living, then revel in them!

That's all it takes. If you get this far, you've done a few extremely healthy things. For starters, you've actually talked to your sweetie about money, without it being a crisis! You've spent some time dreaming together. You've examined your debt and thought about what it's costing you. And with any luck, you've found at least one thing you can enjoy without feeling guilty about what it's costing you... because it's an investment in your piece of mind.

--

Print and Internet publication rights are granted, free of charge, for this article, provided the credit paragraph and copyright remain intact.

If you use this article in HTML form, please set resource link as a hyperlink. Please e-mail me the URL of any place the article is posted, or a copy of any electronic newsletter or eZine, etc. A copy of any printed publication using this article would be greatly appreciated (contact me via e-mail for mailing address!)

About The Author

© Andy White, budget guy for Coudy Coffee - because life is too short for mediocre coffee. For gourmet coffee and espresso; coffee gifts, information and resources, visit http://www.coudycoffee.com.
[email protected]

Habits-What I Want for You!
 by: Miami Phillips

Think for a moment about your Self. Is there something that you would like to have, somewhere you would like to go, or something you would like to do? What is holding you back? I can probably guess at the possible answers: "Not enough money." "Not enough time." "I couldn't do that!"

At the risk of going out on a limb, I am going to suggest that the only thing holding you back from doing what you would like … is you!

Every one of us was born with the power to change our lives. All of us have seen seemingly ordinary people become superheroes. Why is this? Something happens in their lives that makes them suspend belief long enough to act unconsciously. When this happens, they are able to access this power and perform extraordinary feats.

Our minds are a recording device. We store away everything we read, see, hear, or otherwise experience in our lives from before we come into the world. During this time we also form opinions with the use of this information and from the influences of others. From opinions and beliefs come habits. Habits then become our life - just day after day habits!

Have you ever tried to break a habit? It's not easy! That is because a habit is much easier to do than NOT do. To change a habit means you have to change your belief! Now we are back where we started. If there is something you truly want in your life, you can get it.

From the time I was a little boy, I wanted to be a sailor on a sailboat. I would tell everybody I was going to sail around the world. Many people told me then I could not do that. What is funny is that many people today tell me the same thing although we built a sailboat and sailed 15,000 miles in seven years. My beliefs were (and are) very strong.

Just in the last few years, we had decided we wanted to see what it was like to be involved in horses, training and lessons. I honestly do not remember one person who did not say "That is too hard. You won't make any money." We love our new horse ranch! We learned a long time ago that belief comes from within, and not from others.

The very first step is to change your belief. Believe that it is possible. One of the most powerful things you can do for someone is to allow them the freedom to change their belief and their thinking process. This can be as simple as the statement - "What I want for you is".

When hearing this statement, the mind will take that information in and bounce it around for a while. It might, with a bit of help from your Self, begin to change your belief that a thing is impossible, and begin to believe that it is possible … even reachable.

Once your intentions to the Universal Power is clear, then this Power has no choice but to help you by presenting opportunities for you. (You do have to be clear enough to see the opportunities and you must act!)

Think of all you can do! What is it that you would truly love to do?

I want that for you!

As always,

Your online friend and coach,

Miami

Miami Phillips
helping others find their path - and stay on it.
www.creativemasterminds.com

About The Author

Miami Phillips is an ANSIR Certified Personal Coach and the founder of Creative MasterMinds who believes personal growth is an essential ingredient to being happy and contributing to this world. While his main focus is affordable personal and business coaching, he also offers motivational teleclasses, ebooks, reading recommendations and much more. To find out more visit his site at http://www.creativemasterminds.com or send him an email at [email protected]

Three Amigos
 by: Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 23, 2004

I feel rather foolish writing this letter, but I need help. I am a 67-year-old man living on social security. My wife and I divorced, but I never lost my love for her. One day we ran into each other and realized the magic is still there.

I did not hesitate to go back to her. She told me, however, she was dating a widowed doctor, and because she is unable to find employment, he is giving her a $500 weekly allowance. They see each other every Saturday evening. He takes her out to dinner, then they return to his home.

They have a sexual relationship, though she doesn't love him. She feels compelled to sleep with him because of the help he gives her. I asked if she loved me. She said without question she still did. I've been back four months now, and I want her to find employment and break off this relationship.

She's tried to get employment but failed. I asked, if nothing else, please give me some idea when you will end this affair. She said she couldn't do that. I asked how she could love me and do what she is doing. She couldn't reply.

As I write this on Saturday evening, she is out with him for dinner and the sexual romp which follows.

Wyatt

Wyatt, your ex-wife has found a way of blending the world's two oldest professions, medicine and prostitution. This "affair" is her employment, and you have no power here. You can't give her a job, you are not supporting her, and you are not her husband. In addition, your emotional support may make it easier for her to do what she does.

Now that you live together, you are benefiting from what she does. Perhaps circumstances led her into this. Perhaps time will change it. But the only power you have is to accept or not accept the situation. The second definition of her act is "devoting one's talents to an unworthy use." Until she believes that, things will continue as they are.

Wayne & Tamara

A Matter Of Degree

I'm a stay-at-home dad, married with two children. Although things haven't always been great in our marriage, we've worked through them and been mostly happy. Recently a friend introduced me to online chatting. Over the past few months I've chatted with several people, male and female, and had personal chats with a few women in a flirting way.

The women don't live anywhere near, and there was never a chance of this going further. I view my actions as harmless fantasy. My wife recently found out, and she feels I have been unfaithful. She is considering leaving me. The children are the only reason she hasn't.

I agree it was wrong not to have told her, but I consider it harmless fun for my own enjoyment and think of it as my little white lie. I don't agree I have been unfaithful. She says we have different lines of what constitutes decency, and I have clearly crossed over hers. She is well-educated, a Christian, and a physician by trade.

Henry

Henry, your wife is hurt. Chatting with other women makes her feel less of a woman. She feels you are being intimate with these other women. As a medical person, she knows symptoms not dealt with only get worse.

Pictures in a magazine are a fantasy, but it is not fantasy when you interact with real people. Calling what you did a white lie indicates you know it was wrong.

You need to find something else to occupy your mind. We suggest using your computer to start a home-based business. You've been out of the workforce for awhile and that may make it hard to find a job. Once your wife feels a nanny would cause her fewer problems, you may need a way to support yourself.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: [email protected].

Anger And Your Driving
 by: Tony Fiore, Ph.D.

Are you driving under the influence of impaired emotions?

Dateline: December 4, 2002. Orange County ,California. A 29 year old man was shot to death, an apparent victim of road rage. According to newspaper accounts, he had a reputation for never backing down from a fight.

The man and his half brother were heading home from a plumbing job when the trouble began. Apparently, three men in another car zoomed in front of their car. These men started hurling profanities and flashing obscene gestures at the brothers, who returned the insults.

Things escalated until a gun was pulled. Rather than backing down, the man got out of his car and began walking toward the gunman. Two shots rang out, missing the man who then continued to walk toward the gunman until he was shot and killed.

While this tragic incidence is illustrative of an extreme case of aggressive driving, there are thousands of lesser cases in the United States yearly. According to he AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, incidents of aggressive driving have increased by 7% every year since 1990; however, few courts mandate anger management treatment for traffic offenders.

FIVE ZONES OF AGGRESSIVE DRIVING

Research by Dr. Leon James at the University of Hawaii reveals five categories of aggressive driving. Which zone do you or a loved one fall in?

THE UNFRIENDLY ZONE - Example: closing ranks to deny someone entering your lane because you’re frustrated or upset.

HOSTILE ZONE - Example: Tailgating to pressure another driver to go faster or get out of the way.

VIOLENT ZONE- Example: Making visible obscene gestures at another driver.

LESS MAYHEM ZONE- Example: Pursuing other cars in a chase because of provocation or insult.

MAJOR MAYHEM ZONE - Example: Getting out of the car and beating or battering someone as a result of a road exchange.

DO AGGRESSIVE DRIVERS SEE THEMSELVES AS SUCH?

According to Dr. James and his research team, drivers who consider themselves as almost perfect in excellence (with no room to improve) also confessed to significantly more aggressiveness than drivers who see themselves as still improving.

What this means is that despite their self-confessed aggressiveness, 2 out of 3 drivers still insist on seeing themselves as near perfect drivers with almost no room to improve. These drivers see “the other guy” as the problem and thus do not look at their own aggressive driving behavior.

WHAT CAUSES AGGRESSIVE DRIVING BEHAVIOR?

While there is no one standard definition for aggressive driving, many psychologists see anger as the root cause of the problem. Regardless of the provocation or the circumstances related to problems on the road, it is ultimately our emotional state, our stress levels and our thinking patterns that either cause us to drive aggressively or lead us to be the victims of others.

In short, many of get us get in trouble because we are driving under the influence of impaired emotions, especially anger.

Like drunk driving, aggressive driving is more than a simple action or carelessness; it is a behavioral choice that drivers make.

It is normal and natural to feel angry when certain events frustrate us on the road. But, how do you deal with these angry feelings to cope with the situation more effectively?

TWO WAYS TO COPE WITH IMPAIRED DRIVING EMOTIONS:

Research clearly shows that reducing stress and changing your self-talk can help you cope.

1.REDUCE YLUR STRESS. Driving is emotionally challenging because unexpected things happen constantly with which we must cope. We often drive under the pressure of time, or the pressure of congestion and delays which add to our general stress level.

Suggestions include listening to relaxing music or educational tapes on the road, leaving 15 minutes sooner, and getting up earlier so you are less rushed.

2. CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE with different self-talk. As a result of earlier life experiences, we all have “automatic” thoughts that are generated by our mind when certain “triggers” occur when driving. We can change our perspective and thus our angry feelings by consciously changing this “self-talk.” For instance, if cut off in traffic think something like …that “jerk” may actually be a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.”

CONCLUSIONS: If driving under the influence of impaired emotions, you can make a personal decision to cope with your angry feelings in a more effective way. This will help you avoid aggressive driving or becoming the victim of another aggressive driver. Reducing your stress level and learning to change your self-talk are effective and powerful tools to cope with the challenges of driving in our fast-paced society.

About The Author

Dr Tony Fiore, The Anger Coach, is a psychologist, and anger management trainer in Southern California.To subscribe to his free newsletter, "Taming the Anger Bee" visit his website at http://www.angercoach.com
[email protected]

Life’s an Illusion…
 by: Gene Simmons

I’ll get right to the point. Life is not necessarily what we think it is. And no, I’m not going to extrapolate this to the extreme to try to convince you that we really exist on some obscure planet in a distant spiral galaxy and that all of this we’re experiencing as “Life” is only a dream. Of course, it is kind of cool to think that we could waking up any time now, wandering out to the kptfrun to put on the cuggy and then stepping out on the prafo to watch the bos rise and enjoy the sounds of the bilbs as they greet the morning. We naturally, would be all the more enlightened because of the dream experience of the previous night and could therefore anticipate an even more productive, enjoyable day at the Snark assembly plant. (Does excessive caffeine intake cause everyone to think weird stuff like that? Probably just me, huh?)

Where were we? Oh yeah, the illusion thing… Let’s start with the physical, material stuff. Everything you see is not as it appears – or as it is interpreted by our little brains. When we look around, we “see” all kinds of solid forms. Computers, desks, paper, chairs, walls, books, etc. These things not only look solid, they feel solid and can be held, moved, sat upon, used to support other solid things - and broken. So they’re all composed of some densely packed material and therefore are completely “solid”, right?

Not even close, Martha. When you get down to the itty bitty particles that all of these nice solid objects are made of, you’re gonna find only little teeny tiny bits of energy, specks of particles and a hell of a lot of space between them. In fact, there’s a bunch more space than there are specks of particles. Here’s one of the analogies I can relate to easily. If we arbitrarily designated the nucleus of an atom (the combination of the neutrons and protons in the center of an atom that contain just about all of the atom’s mass) as the size of a grapefruit, the rest of the atom that is the electron cloud (little negatively charged particles that are zipping around the nucleus like a bat outta hell) would take up a space equivalent to a large football stadium. Hmm, let’s see. Grapefruit is the “solid” stuff – football stadium is the space and energy stuff. Yeah, there’s a hell of a lot of space inside those little atom guys.

Of course, when these little bundles of specks and energy (it would take about a hundred million of ‘em laid end to end to stretch out to a length of approximately one centimeter) share their electrons to bond with another atom – or atoms – to form molecules… and then these molecules link together using the energy of their foundation atoms, we can wind up with materials that appear and act like they’re completely solid. OK, for those of you who may tend to get picky here, we also wind up with other similar things we can touch such as gas (air) and liquid – the other two states of matter that make up our world.

So where’s that leave us? Surrounded by, living with, eating, drinking, using and yes, even mating with “things” that are mostly space and energy. (I think I just saw several married ladies’ hands go up to question the energy part of that last statement. Please put your hands down. You know what I mean…)

Our physical, material world then is not exactly what we normally perceive it to be. And, it’s a pretty sure bet that the rest of our little world operates pretty much along those same lines. Our perceptions of ourselves, of those around us and the events and situations in our lives and the rest of the world are shaped primarily by our inputs and experiences to this point in our lives. Depending on the “quality” of our programming so far, our personal perceptions of this world can range from fairly realistic to way outta whack. The great thing about this though, is that other’s perceptions of our perceptions are tinted by their own personal or collective experiences (programming) so as a result, reality (if there is such a thing) clouds up really quick. Whoa… I think I just gave myself a headache

Yes, it’s often extremely difficult to determine where skewed perception ends and reality begins. Of one thing we can be sure. Our individual perceptions of life are the foundations for our personal reality. If your reality is not everything you desire – if it’s not bringing you the enjoyment of life you feel you deserve – then it’s worth putting forth a little effort to examine your “programming” to see if there aren’t a few changes you’d like to make in your thought processes and the way you’re viewing life. It can be well worth the effort.

While you’re doing that, I really do need to get rid of my headache. I think I’ll go pour a cup of cuggy and go out on the prafo to watch the bos rise…

About The Author

Gene, through NuPathz.com, provides an easy reading self-help blog along with affordable books and materials written to help folks find the road to a more enjoyable lifestyle, to pass on some of life’s “secrets for survival” in a chaotic world & offer a few smiles along the way. It's a down-to-earth, simple approach to discovering a better life. You can visit Gene at http://www.nupathz.com/
[email protected]

How Stupid Can People Be?
 by: Gene Simmons

“I can’t believe she did that!” “What the hell is he thinking?” “Any idiot would have better sense than that!” “Are they all taking dumb pills?” “What’s the matter with these people?” “Why am I working with a bunch of morons?” “He doesn’t have the sense God gave a goose!”

Do any of these phrases sound familiar? Of course they do. They’re words we hear – or even use – almost every day. At times it looks like the world is being overtaken by idiots and to top it off, they’re all reproducing! God help us all!

Isn’t there anything we can do to put a few smarts into some of these folk’s heads? Isn’t there something we can do?

So many goof-balls, so little time. Oh where, oh where shall we begin? OK, just as an off-the-wall thought, let’s start with the only person in the world over whom we have any control at all. That’d be us, right? So let’s talk about us. I’ll start with me.

Not too many years ago, I occasionally used the same types of phrases you read in the first paragraph. Sometimes they were directed toward my boss, sometimes toward my fellow workers. More frequently they were referencing some of the strange things the participants in my classes said or did. Yeah, I cut ‘em down. I questioned (in private conversations, of course) their mental capabilities and common sense. Behind the closed office door, I wasn’t always a nice person.

And sometimes I even said these derogatory things even though I didn’t completely believe them. Even though I knew they weren’t really true. Why? Well, because. Because someone else in “my group” had already made a similar comment and naturally I wouldn’t want anyone to ever think that I wasn’t an integral, conforming member of “my group” so I dutifully added my reinforcement to the conversation. It wasn’t a nice thing to do.

And then – over time – I learned. I learned that no one is an “idiot”. That no one is talking stupid pills. That no one is “just breathin’ good air”. No one. I learned that every person that I come into contact with is doing as good as they can do at that particular moment.

That “moment” in turn, has been shaped by this individual’s genetics and the sum of all of his or her experiences up to now. It is the result of all of the mental programming that has occurred in his or her lifetime. It is additionally strongly influenced by any significant events which may now be occurring in this person’s life. Events such as illness, money worries, disintegration of relationships or other family problems. Any of these will naturally disrupt a person’s train of thought and interfere with his or her ability and perhaps even motivation, to reason logically.

I learned that no matter how much I wanted someone else to think as I do, perform as I do, respond to situations or problems as I do – it just ain’t agonna happen. These other people – my boss, my friends, my co-workers, my students, my relatives, the salesperson, the waitress – are not me. They’re them. And as “them”, they’re going to do the only thing they can do - that they know how to do at that particular moment.

Many of them could probably do better – sometime, but not right now. Many of them could probably exercise a little better judgment in the things they say and do. Sometime, but not right now. Many of them could probably benefit from some serious self-evaluation of their thought processes and maybe even their values or morals. Sometime, but not right now.

“Right now” is all they have to work with. It’s all we have to work with. It’s all I have to work with – for right now. I can live with that. How about you?

About The Author

Gene, through NuPathz.com, provides an easy reading self-help blog along with affordable books and materials written to help folks find the road to a more enjoyable lifestyle, to pass on some of life’s “secrets for survival” in a chaotic world & offer a few smiles along the way. It's a down-to-earth, simple approach to discovering a better life. You can visit Gene at http://www.nupathz.com/
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Mastering Mindfulness: A Thinker's Ode to Meditation
 by: Maya Talisman Frost

I'm lucky.

When I was fifteen, I was the sole survivor in one of those horrific car accidents involving a bunch of teens, lots of alcohol, and late-night fast driving. While the driver and other passengers were killed instantly when our car hit a tree on a drizzly summer night, I had the most powerful experience of my life.

I felt myself being lifted lightly, and it seemed as though I was actually caressed by a loving presence. I remember feeling soothed, comforted, and cherished. I didn't want it to end.

The next thing I remember is lying in a pile of wet leaves with a bunch of flashlights in my face. I walked away without a scratch.

The others were from a different town, and their families, high school friends and teachers mourned their loss bitterly. When they heard that there was a survivor, someone from out of town, many of them felt angry that one of their friends couldn't have been the survivor instead of me. In their anguish, they called to inform me of this sentiment. It was a lot for a 15-year-old to handle.

Nobody knew about the accident at my high school. This was before crisis teams were in place to deal with tragedies. There were no counselors standing by in my case. I was filled with a tremendous sense of guilt, and my beautiful experience was one I never discussed. I couldn't talk about feeling cherished when others had died. It seemed disrespectful and arrogant.

Months later, one of the mothers of the victims called me. I hadn't had any contact with any of the families or friends, and was mourning alone in silence, in exile, really, pretending that everything was just fine. She wanted to invite me over for tea. I declined. I was afraid of hurting her, overwhelmed by my guilt, and petrified that she would lash out at me.

She persisted. I must have declined her invitations half a dozen times in the next three months, making lame excuses and once even pretending to be my sister, telling her I wasn't home.

Fortunately, she kept at it, and when I finally did come over to her house for tea, she wrapped me in a completely reassuring hug.

She was my first meditation teacher. She recognized my pain, and I am eternally grateful that she taught me skills to cope with it. I truly believe she saved my life for the second time.

I used meditation as a tool. There was no association with any particular religion. Despite the clear sense of a benign presence during the accident, it just never occurred to me that it was God. Others may have responded with a renewed religious conviction. I opted for a simple there-must-be-a-reason view.

Years later, as a college student interested in psychology, philosophy, and science, I was studying with a university professor and meditation teacher in Sri Lanka. Ratne taught a technique for mindfulness meditation that meshed perfectly with my need for logic, order, and my view of the universe as manifesting power in magnificent but unpredictable ways. He taught meditation from a thinker's perspective, validating the notion that we are entrusted with the responsibility to use our minds for both thinking and non-thinking.

Ratne died a few years ago, but his son, Deva, is carrying on his tradition of mindfulness training in Sri Lanka. My friend visited Deva recently and was immersed in discussions to build an environmentally-friendly meditation center on a hilltop there.

Deva's mindfulness technique is growing in popularity with good reason--it's simple, and it is completely detached from any specific religion.

This is not your father's meditation. It's Deva's insightful take on his dad's approach. It's thoroughly modern and inclusive, based as much on our understanding of the brain as it is on our professed need to find bliss.

I've been lucky to be exposed to this unique method. Through good times and bad, meditation has given me perspective and a sense of ease when I needed it most. I've lost two brothers to suicide, one to AIDS, a stepfather and father-in-law to cancer in the last few years. Meditation has been a life raft as well as a surprising source of direction and joy.

Although I am quick to identify myself as a thinker, in the same breath I'll tell you I'm a meditator. They go hand in hand for me. I consider it my favorite ego-attachment.

Regardless of your religious beliefs, you can use meditation to strengthen yourself and your understanding of the universe. If the age-old methods aren't working for you, perhaps all you need is an updated version, an upgrade to Meditation 2.0, if you will.

You can skip the pricey bench or embroidered cushion. Don't bother with the candle. Keep the incense in the drawer. Contrary to popular belief, no equipment is required.

All you need is your mind--and a supportive teacher. I hope you are lucky enough to find yours.

About The Author

Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse. Her work has inspired thinkers in over 80 countries. She serves up a satisfying blend of clarity, comfort and comic relief. To subscribe, visit http://www.massageyourmind.com.
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THE ENCHANTED SELF, That's Each of Us!
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

In my years as a psychologist, I have come to believe that most people seeking psychotherapy are unhappy. This is not only due to earlier hurts and traumas, as well as present frustrations and problems, but because they cannot access earlier happy moments often enough. The unfortunate result is not being able to experience enough positive states of well-being. It is these unique states of well being that I have come to label THE ENCHANTED SELF.

Many scientists of human behavior recognize that we do not yet, and perhaps never can, fully understand human nature. I have become more and more convinced that we do not. What interests me, is that we do not fully understand some people, who have apparently fortunate lives but experience little joy, while others, apparently less fortunate, experience great joy. Perhaps we have tried too hard to understand pathology in our science of psychology, and have not tried hard enough to recognize and understand what I call ego-states, or happiness.

When I first began to analyze the data from the women I interviewed, I kept trying to understand how their enchanted adult lives evolved from the childhoods they talked about. I found that although there seemed to be some clear connections, many others were not clear at all.

The capacities of these women to reclaim positive aspects of their childhood, while discarding the dysfunction that was often also present, was astounding to me. It seemed as if a magic wand had been tapped on the women's heads in their adult lives.

For example, when Edith talked about her childhood, she at first remembered only its dysfunctional aspects: the fighting between her parents and their constant criticality. I suggested that we go back and look again at her childhood to identify times when, in spite of the pain of family life, she felt excited about her own life and about herself. With this encouragement, she could separate out positive memories of herself from dysfunctional family experiences. She started remembering some wonderful times: delightful family picnics, fishing with her grandfather, and more.

An activity you can do to start on the positive road of Enchantment:

What are some golden moments in your childhood when you felt particularly happy? These moments can be from any age, from your earliest memories through early adulthood. When you find a golden memory, enjoy it. See yourself at that age and experiment with letting different senses reconnect to that happy time. Can you remember the way your body felt? Can you remember what activity you were engaged in? Were there any aromas? What was the weather like? How did things look around you? What did your

mood feel like? Take time to really enjoy this happy memory of yourself.

I wish you a joyful journey. I hope that your life feels whole and that you find your past, whether beautiful or painful, a repertoire of talents and capabilities is that are uniquely yours. I hope that your talents, capacities and potential will give you a sense of well being as they thrust you into the world in meaningful ways.

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her free e-group at www.enchantedself.com. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
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Life, The Greatest Ride of All
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

Life is the greatest roller coaster ride we will ever take. The ups and downs, the unexpected changes, the twists and turns, are all a part of living. The roller coaster ride of life can be miserable and uncomfortable or exciting and rewarding. Our states of mind and body are key factors in how we handle these changes. The problems of life do not go away magically. We have to consciously work on making our lives more positive and joyful.

Once in an ENCHANTED SELF workshop, one woman related a story about her Thanksgiving dinner. She had recently suffered a painful and unexpected breakup with a boyfriend. Although she was experiencing grief, she had a strong inner desire to reclaim her sense of self and move forward with her life.

It was interesting to hear her speak about the family meal. As she looked around at her extended family seated at the table, she became filled with love and felt the love reflected back towards her. It was then that she made a conscious choice to stay focused in the moment, to remain in a loving state and to share that love with those around her.

There were some inner struggles during the course of the evening because Thanksgiving held poignant memories for her involving her ex-boyfriend. When these memories surfaced, she deliberately chose to put them aside. After the family gathering, she confidently exclaimed, "I won!"

Her conscious decision to remain in a positive state of being, coupled with the feelings of love that she felt toward everyone, were the most critical factors in staying focused in the moment. She had triumphed because she did not succumb to feelings of depression and pity. Like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz when she clicked her heels and said, "there's no place like home," she realized that the things she was searching for -- strength, love and happiness--could be found in her "own backyard."

The support and love that comes from our family and friends, as well as the inner strength we develop when we get to know and accept ourselves, was right there.

We will always tussle with dark thoughts and the negative sides of our personalities. Sometimes there will be unpleasant events in our lives, but we can choose not to let these things invade our sense of self-dignity and worth. When we make conscious choices about how we will respond to difficult situations, we feel empowered. For that moment we are in charge of our destiny. Nobody ever said that achieving positive states of mind and body was easy, but then again nobody ever said it was hard. It's a matter of focusing on the positive, and self-education.

Positive memory retrieval is the tool that enhances our ENCHANTED SELF journey. Reaching a positive state of inner and outer harmony is the essence of THE ENCHANTED SELF. One way of reaching this state is to give love and support to our selves and to others. Let's make this year a year of growth, peace, harmony and shared optimism.

Exercise: Heightening Our Experience of Pleasure

This exercise is designed not only to help you remember and validate positive aspects of your past, but to emphasize the need to stay more attentive to positive happenings in the present that may precipitate pleasure.

Were there moments in your childhood when you felt particularly happy? These moments can be from any age -- from your earliest memories through young adulthood. When you find a golden memory, savor it. See yourself at that age and experiment with letting different senses reconnect to that happy time.

    * What was going on at that moment?
    * What were you feeling inside?
    * How did your body feel?
    * Were there any aromas?
    * How did things look around you?
    * How were you acting?
    * What was the weather like?
    * What was the scenery like?
    * Were you with anyone?
    * What was it like to be with that person?

Take time to really enjoy this happy memory. Now scan your memory bank and the most recent past to see if you can think of one thing that you enjoyed doing in the last week. Give yourself permission to relive through your memory that pleasant time. Again, use all of your senses to reconnect you with that wonderful experience.

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her free e-group at www.enchantedself.com. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
[email protected]

Fighting Terrorism With Enchantment
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

Many of you may look at my title and wonder if I have 'lost my marbles.' Let me explain. First let me quote from a wonderful article that was passed around on the web by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Ph.D. entitled: Healing From Terrorism Sickness. She states: "The main goal of terrorism is 'intentional trauma' to the living. The concept of doing ongoing psychic injury to thousands and millions 'all at the same time' is an important tactic of terrorists ... innocent persons becoming afraid of life ... (this) hurts the human spirit and heart."

Clarissa then shares many ways to fight this madness including refusing to dwell on what physically depletes us of hope; dwelling in what strengthens us; resting; refusing to think that one is less able than prior to the assault, and not stopping pleasures that are good for you.

I don't know if Clarissa realized that her suggestions fit perfectly into THE ENCHANTED SELF's Seven Portals to Enchantment, but they do! Let's go through these gateways and see how they preserve us from disenchantment and even worse -- terror.

The first gateway is the Gateway of Self-Esteem. When terror strikes it is very common to feel vulnerable, of little importance and perhaps even valueless. This is exactly the opposite of how we need to feel for good mental health. To function at my best I need to know on a daily basis that I am 'special'. I have traits, strengths and abilities that all come together, not only to help me lead a life of meaning, but help me feel proud and sure of myself. You do too! What are some of your strengths and/or coping skills? Work with me as you read this and list some. It will be beneficial as we come out of this terror! Perhaps you have stamina, compassion, and an ability to reinvent yourself. Perhaps you are a good at cheering others up or great at making fudge!

All of these and thousands more qualify as pluses in living!

The second gateway is Meeting Our Needs. Again, when terror or severe stress hits we often stop doing what is good for ourselves. We feel weak and may let go of a growth experience or learning a new skill that is good for us. Even after the acute weakness passes we may feel unsure or no longer committed to our own goals for growth and development. Again, this is exactly the opposite of what is needed for good mental health. Did you let anything go as a result of September 11th? You might

want to make a note about it and also a new start up date.

I did. I didn't do my television show in NYC that month, as we were asked not to come into the city and that was a big loss for me. I really enjoy teaching the public about positive thinking via television. My show, Recipes for Enchantment, not only meets many of my needs but it stretches me and makes me grow further. Yes, I look forward to doing the show this month on the 17th.

The third portal to Enchantment is Recognizing Pleasure and Joy. It is very normal after a shock, in this case terrorism, to feel not only emotionally flattened, but unable to experience joy. In fact, often the person doesn't feel entitled to laughter, a good time, etc. For some it is guilt, for others sorrow. Again, this is exactly the opposite of what we need for good mental health.

We are not only entitled to live lives of joy and happiness, we need too! Does this mean everything goes right? Absolutely not. What it does mean is that we permit ourselves to maintain an attitude that encourages the capacity to experience happiness and joy as often as possible. No one has a right to take that away from us! Now is the time to fight back! What is fun for you? What do you enjoy? What gives you pleasure? Write some of these things down and plan on doing at least three of them within a couple of weeks. For example, I love shopping and last week I really enjoyed buying a black skirt for fall. It was a small treat but it was getting back to business as usual and felt great!

Let's enter the fourth portal: Making Ourselves the Hero or Heroine of Our Own Lives. Ah, this is such an essential step. And yet what does stress and terror do? They can make us feel meaningless, without purpose, again emotionally flattened. What is good mental health? It encompasses, for sure, a sense that my life not only has meaning but also was worth it. I not only came through difficulties, but the adventure was well worth it! I took the roller coaster ride of a lifetime and came out the winner.

Often times after a shocking event we don't know what role to play or feel extraneous to what is going on at 'ground zero'. These are normal feelings and we must realize that each of us has a unique role and purpose in life that no one else can fill.

Think about the story of your life. How did you get this far? How did your background end up working for you? What have been some of the highlights of your life? Look for the heroic even on a very small scale. I can guarantee that you will have plenty of opportunities to still use your unique strengths and talents.

I was the little girl who kept a secret Girl Scout diary with tons of misspelled words! I wrote every night not knowing exactly why and here I am now with a chance to write to you via the Internet. All that practice was part of my story. You have yours and never forget it!

Could you guess that the fifth portal is Belonging to Tribes, or communities? Often after a terrorist attack people are afraid to go out, join others, go about their business. This is exactly what the terrorists want and it interferes completely with our human needs to belong, to share, and to be part of something. What are some of your tribes special to you? I hope you make every effort to get out and stay connected to them. For me, one of my first steps was going to a local rally and crying, singing, holding hands with strangers and donating goods with lots of others.

The sixth portal is Finding Mentors. When we are attacked, it is our hope and optimism that is often most attacked and in essence our future. What we need most is to get that back. This is where mentors help so much. We need to find positive mentors everywhere -- the heroes on television, friends and positive e-letters on the web, loved ones, good books, fine music and even animals that teach us so much about love and connection. Don't laugh, but laughter is a mentor of sorts. Laughing takes us back to our positive center by teaching us how good it feels to feel good! Who are some of your mentors?

The last portal is the Gateway of Positive Action. Often, when terror strikes we feel helpless and in paralysis. Good mental health requires that we move beyond these feelings. Inactivity is not good for us. Positive action is the best antidote to mental 'poison.'

Why? Because we not only help ourselves but others in the process. We start the chain reaction that eventually sends a message that we will not be swamped by darkness. Remember how much darkness one little candle can get rid of? We are each potentially thousands of candles. What are some positive actions you can take over the next few weeks? Jot them down. These actions can feel good to do and also be good for you as well as others. For me, one of my positive actions is that I am writing to you and I hope that fits the above definition. I enjoy writing to you! I look forward to responses from you and most importantly I hope my message has been good for you!

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her free e-group at www.enchantedself.com. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
[email protected]

The Enchantress Within Each of Us Returns—Making Potholders, One Stitch at a Time!
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

When I was little I was very busy--as I imagine most little girls are. At six years of age I had my toys, my fire station with a real bell, my fire trucks and other cars, my paper dolls, my coloring books and large box of Crayola assorted crayons, my picture books and stuffed animals. One of my most important possessions was a 'working' toy which was my ceramic pig that served as my personal banker. This pig controlled my destiny to some extent, because when there was enough change inside of him, I got to go downtown Bridgeport with my mother and guess what? I picked out a new toy! Now I was going on seven and saving every penny toward a Toni doll. Did you know you could perm her hair? I couldn't wait!

And then, as if in a flash, I was no longer going on seven, but turning 10. A different house, a different town, but still so many interests and passions! I had my hand held sewing machine and spent hours creating outfits for my dolls. The Toni doll was still around, but unimportant—small vogue dolls were my passion. I figured out a way to make my own paper patterns for their clothing. I liked my patterns because they involved less sewing than the store bought doll patterns. That was good for me as I was more interested in adding details such as lace trim, rather than doing a lot of sewing. The exception to my own rule was the bridal gown for my large Vogue doll. I went all out and sewed feverishly, dreaming of a day when ...

I was incredibly busy. I had to practice my violin. I had to read my latest Little Lulu comic. I was in the middle of the Nancy Drew Mystery Book that I had convinced my mom to buy me. Oh—I had to work on my next Girl Scout Badge by next Thursday. Yes, so much to do and so little time. I'm always at least three days behind in my diary, but I must keep recording my life!

Wash up fast! I Love Lucy is on. Everything stops for I Love Lucy!

Can you feel the energy—the passion and determination of the child? It might surprise you to realize that within each of us, the child, with her energy, her passions, her potential for greatness, is still alive. It may take a trip back in time to find what really sparked us. It may take some creative re-inventing to figure out how we can use the wonderment of our younger self in a form that will work now. Let me now share with you how I further explored childhood positive energies and their retrieval with a colleague.

I was talking to Nancy Fredericks. She is a corporate consultant and the co-author of a wonderful, empowering book for women, entitled DANCING ON THE GLASS CEILING. As we shared our passion to encourage women to find their strengths and potential (what I call The Song of Your Soul), she shared with me how often she finds that the secret to this personal essence resides in our past.

She remembered herself as a child making potholders. She loved making them, but after awhile she had an awfully lot of potholders. She gave some away and still made them. Then she began to think that there had to be a reason for all these potholders! She started selling them to neighbors. They sold! She made more. She got the idea of enrolling her girlfriends in making potholders. It worked. Suddenly she had a big booming business.

Here she was—a third grader with "the first pot holder mass-production line in her neighborhood.” She began to make a profit.

In her book, Nancy goes on to say that through recalling this aspect of her childhood she came in contact with a clue about her Heart's Purpose: "a love of business and a talent for managing people and achieving results."

Nancy's child is so clear. A business entrepreneur in the making! I will have to play with my child and tease out some of the energy that still asks to be cherished in this part of my life. That's OK. I'm not in a rush and part of recovering our earlier passions—to now live a life that Nancy labels: "Fully Passionate, Fully Alive"— involves time and nurturing.

Why don't you 'play' with your child for awhile also? Pick an age or a couple of ages and get to know that priceless human being again. I suggest that you keep a list of all the talents, strengths and potential you find as you revisit your younger selves.

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her free e-group at www.enchantedself.com. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
[email protected]

Life Writing, One Facet of Living an Enchanted Life
 by: Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

I started life writing in the fifth grade. My mother bought me my own Girl Shout diary! Are you wondering what a Girl Shout diary is? It was a Girl Scout diary kept by me. I had a minor learning disability, undiagnosed in those days, resulting in funny spellings. Undaunted, I wrote to Dear Diary, sharing the best of I Love Lucy, visits with grandparents, and weekly meeting with the Girl Scouts. Then one day this dairy was put away. Junior High School, High School and college were years when

I took pen to hand on loose leaf papers. I kept details of my love life, shed many a secret tear and wrote some of my finest, darkest poetry. Adult life found me writing on fragments of papers. These scraps housed everything from cute expressions my children used to my less dark poetry.

When I decided as a psychologist to interview women who were not in my practice, then incorporate my findings into a book, I never dreamed how much my own life writings would play an essential part. I had interviewed women ages 35 through early 80's, looking at how messages they received growing up about themselves, influenced them as adults. I asked them when they felt most whole, most joyful. In analyzing my data, I had an "Aha" moment. I saw these women, no matter how dysfunctional their childhoods, and no matter how many negative messages they had received growing up, had managed to find pleasure and joy in their adult lives. This insight convinced me that we have not utilized the history taking of our lives to focus enough on what is giving us pleasure and joy. Also we haven't learned to harvest out past so as to discover precious moments even in the most dysfunctional of times. This included me.

In writing THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy, I began writing about my past and experiences again, but this time looking for precious treasure: the positive parts of myself and my life. In writing down my thoughts, feelings and memories, I discovered many wonderful memories growing up. I found myself remembering times where I felt delighted with life and full of energy. There were moments of elation and successes when my true and sometimes lost potential showed through. I discovered events that even though they had felt unpleasant as I lived them, held within them so many of special gifts. I began to hold and treasure these times as I wrote them down, feeling deeply moved on occasion, to the point of tears ...

Ultimately what the women taught me and the personal journey I then went on, has led to my writing to you. I hope this e-mail newsletter stimulates you to recognize the best in yourself, in your history, and in your potential. For you too, have a treasury inside.

Exercise: Journaling

This exercise involves making positive deposits in your memory banks. Over the next few days, stay alert to when you are in a good mood. Try to use all you senses to experience the present more fully, especially when you become aware of a potential 'deposit'. When the moment is right, ask yourself the following questions:

    * What is going on?
    * Does it remind you of other good times in your life?
    * Can you list several of these earlier events?
    * What were the best parts of these earlier experiences?

Take the time to describe them by writing them down or dictating them into a tape recorder. Now gradually refocus your mind on the present.

    * What are you seeing?
    * What are the aromas?
    * What are the sounds?
    * How do these sensations make you feel?

Try to be aware of the details, taking time to savor them as you deposit them into your memory bank. If writing or dictating a narrative does not come easily to you, try drawing a picture, writing a poem, or composing a tune. Just do something to capture the moment in a way that is meaningful to you. Your abilities as an artist, writer, or composer are less important than your desire to relish life.

About The Author

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF®, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/encself/join, and sign up for her free e-group at www.enchantedself.com. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at http://www.enchantedself.com/ordering.htm
[email protected]