Forget Goals - Play Games
by: Steve Lover
Do you have any areas of your life that you would like to achieve more? Are there any areas in your life that you are stuck? Would you like to have just a little bit of excellence rub off on you? Do you have a goal or dream either personal or business that it seems to stay elusive?
If you answered yes to any of those questions you will really appreciated what I am about to say. If there is no area in your life that could improve, you can stop reading here. You probably will not get much out of what I have to say.
We hear a lot in the world about making goals, reaching goals, striving for goals, planning goals, achieving goals, setting goals, surpassing goals, etc. We are told over and over how goals are important. Achievers are goal oriented. Yet, most people don’t have goals. Many of the people that have goals never achieve their goals, and they try again with a valiant effort and strive like crazy. Then they get into the “If Only” world. You know what I mean. If only I had more time, money, energy, brains, good looks, support, better spouse, mother, father, siblings etc. etc. etc. I am sure you can relate to what I am talking about.
The problem is not with you. The problem is with the idea of a goal all together. The word goal has a feel to it. It conjures up thoughts and feelings like hard work, difficult, working through difficult obstacles, beating the odds, success or failure. Your automatic response is one of push-away. You think I’ll try and hope and maybe I’ll get lucky. By the way - hope is not a strategy. There are some people that work well with “goals” they are tough on themselves and on others. Their attitude is just “hunker down and get it done”. If I can do it, so can you. But most people are not like that. So it’s not you - it’s a system and how we relate to the concepts and words.
You are probably wondering if it is as I say and goals are the problem, what should someone do to reach a level of achievement? My answer, play games! ANY WORTHWHILE ENDEAVOR CAN BE DEFINED AS A WINNABLE GAME!!
When I say you’ll be playing a game what is your reaction? Fun? Excitement? Is it the same feeling as goal? By defining what you want to accomplish as a winnable game as opposed to a goal, you relate to the process totally differently. It’s fun and exciting. You are going to play hard to win by being the best that you can be! You’ll learn the skills you need to learn. You’ll practice to become great. You’ll win some and you will probably lose some. But, when you lose you will learn from the loss and practice some more so that you’ll lose less and less. And ultimately you will win.
I can already hear some of you (especially those hard boiled get it done kind of guys) say that this is all semantics. And although it is true that goal setting and game designing are trying to accomplish the same thing, the experience and effect are completely different. Words and thoughts do make a difference.
Is there a difference between a new breath of fresh spring air vs. the end of a cold hard winter? If your not sure try the two descriptions on different people saying “You are _______________(fill in the blank with “a new breath of fresh spring air” or “the end of a cold hard winter”). Do you think you might get a different reaction?
Words and thoughts affect us in different ways. So if I know that goals create feelings of anxiety and angst, and games create feelings of playfulness fun and excitement, why would I use the more difficult word choice and concept? Would I want to use the wording that makes for a better more pleasurable experience? Wouldn’t you like to win?
And the job of any coach is to help you win. It is their only job. Just like a coach helps Tiger Woods win. Just like a coach in the NFL or NBA helps their team win. Just like every gymnast has a coach that helps them win!
Now with games there is a process to win. There are 5 steps to win at any game.
1. You must clarify what game you are playing. The better your clarity on the game, the rules and what it takes to win, the better the chances that you can win.
2. You must acquire the skills and strategies to win. You cannot win until you have acquired the skills. It doesn’t matter if its sports, sales, chess, management, parenting health or any other games. You need to have the skills and strategies to win. You also need to practice those strategies and skills to become highly proficient at them.
3. You must win at the inner game. Every champion is a champion in their own mind before they are a champion in real life. Everyone walks around with all kinds of “stuff” that they have acquired throughout their lifetime. Some of it is helpful and serving them now. Some is not helpful and undermining them now, even though at some time it probably was helping them. The inner game needs to be tweaked so that you can win!
4. You must make sure that your environment is helping propel you to win at your game. Are the people around you supportive and encouraging or are they negative and deflating? Is you physical space helping you or hurting you? Your environment is one of the most important things you control, and it can make the biggest impact on how big you win!
5. And finally, you must keep score. Just like any sport, a game without a scoreboard is not a game, so too your game must have a scorecard so that you know how you are doing and where you need to make adjustments.
Try theses steps on for size. You might find it beneficial to find a good coach. When working with a coach he or she will walk through these 5 steps and before you know it you will be in the midst of playing an exhilarating game. You’ll see yourself grow and get better at what you do. You will notice changes in the inner game. You will also notice the changes that you make to your environment - most of them purposefully. It can get really exciting.
Just like not all coaches coach all sports Life/Business coaches have their specialty. When speaking to them about your game, make sure it is a fit for you. Most coaches will meet for an initial collaborative session. If gives you an opportunity to experience their coaching and it gives them an opportunity to see if you are the kind of player they want to coach. Interview a few coaches and see which one resonates with you the most. Make sure you feel that you will win with them as your coach.
About The Author
Steve Lover is president of The Uncommon Leader a training and coaching firm working with business owners, executives, managers and top sales professionals. visit their website at
http://www.uncommonleader.com.
