Who's a Bully
Everyone has one or two really bad bosses in their working life: people who make your life miserable. But we're starting to recognize that some of these office tyrants are bullies, just like the ones you used to face on the schoolyard. And bullying is becoming a major problem in US business - bullies account for a great deal of employee stress and burnout, massive turnover and lost productivity, and general misery among their workers. The whole subject of bullying is very complicated, but here are some things you should know about bullies to help you survive.
Bullies are Very Simple
Bullies usually pick out a few victims, and they pick them carefully. Bullies pick on people who have less power than they do, either because of the organizational structure, or because the bully is in the power group. Bullying always involves a difference in power, and the bully makes the victim feel even more helpless by belittling him or her in public.
Bullies Won't Stop
Bullies really enjoy what they do - they get a psychic charge out of humiliating their victims and, left to themselves, they simply won't quit their behavior. So, unless the victim changes the equation in some way, she will remain a victim and the bully's target. This also means that you can't negotiate with a bully - negotiation is only between equals, and the bully only sees the victim as someone to push around.
You Can't "Stand Up" to a Bully
The old advice of "Just stand up to the bully and he'll back down." isn't just wrong, it's dangerous. By definition, the bully is stronger than his victim, and sees resistance as provocation. That means that he'll just work harder at reducing the victim.
Bullies Have a Weak Spot
You've heard before that "bullies are just cowards," but that's not quite true. Instead, bullies don't want to be caught in the act - they want to seem like reasonable people to everyone except the victims. So bullies always balance the pleasure of hurting their victims against the fear of exposure and, if the balance leans toward exposure, they'll hold off until no one is watching.
How to Use the Bully's Weakness
If the bully is afraid of being found out, then the victim has a winning strategy. The victim should make sure that all her interactions with the bully are in public, where people are watching the exchange. And if the bully starts a whispering campaign, the victim needs to confront it by spreading facts in the same places the bully is spreading lies.
Allies Beat Bullies
The bully-victim relationship is strictly one-on-one; bullies won't face a unified set of people, even if they are all less powerful. So if a victim can get some allies to form a coalition, and the coalition will stick together, the bully will leave them alone and go looking for another victim.
It's a Never-Ending Battle
Bullies don't reform - ever. They may hide the bullying for a while, or they may move on to another victim, but they won't stop bullying. This means that the victim and her coalition always need to be vigilant for bullying, even after the first threat is over.
About the Author
Bruce Taylor is the Owner and Principle of Unison Coaching, and provides corporate and executive coaching to a wide variety of businesses including engineering, human resource, consulting, and recruiting firms. Mr Taylor has extensive background in Psychology, Human Resources, and Software Engineering. He holds a Masters degree in Computer Science from Duke University, a Masters in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts, and a Certificate in Job Stress and Healthy Workplace Design from the University of Massachusetts. He can be reached at
http://www.unisoncoaching.com or
[email protected].
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