In order for your life to work in a way that makes sense to you, and feel "happy" (whatever you define that to be), one of the first things that is an absolute MUST is getting the Critic In Your Head under control.
That critic will give you every excuse, every conceivable reason, every possible negative response imaginable as to why you shouldn't, couldn't, haven't, or might as well not even bother.
Tell Him Off!
Every time you hear yourself think, "yeah, but...", start kicking. Kicking and screaming that YOU ARE IMPORTANT ENOUGH to not dwell on all the reasons why not. You have decided that YOU ARE IMPORTANT ENOUGH to focus on all the reasons WHY.
Now, let's get to the tough part.
Understand that what's going on in your head is not "you" --it's your critic, your conscience, whatever you want to call it. We all have one, and we all NEED one to help us make decisions.
But sometimes - due to any number of things - it can get out of control. It's not your fault. I'd bet that if you were in close touch with the voice, it sounds like an authority figure somewhere along your lifepath (parent/guardian, teacher, spouse, a boss...). That's just when it got out of control.
But it's not "you". It's important that you separate your authentic self from this critic, so that you can evaluate your performance, evaluate your choices, but not be so critical that it causes you to do things you know aren't good for you overall.
The first step is to PRACTICE seeing this other voice in your head as separate from the real you. You want to observe it, listen to it, and then be able to challenge it. Use your sense of humor here...give it a name, a face.
Consider it an obnoxious room-mate that annoys you and criticizes you.
Tell Him Off!
Tell it you know what's best for you and your family and for your life, and you're not going to let (fillinthename) tell you how to run your life. You're smart, you're capable, and there's no bully in this world who's going to mess that up for you with his loud mouth.
Tell Him Off!
Right now, you're operating on the belief that this critic in your head is right. I want you to swing the totally opposite direction, just to get the feel of it. For one day, decide that EVERYTHING the critic says is not correct, is not in your best interest; in fact, is a jealous room-mate who wants to wreck your life!
Tell Him Off! Challenge it!
This will help you see the total opposite, and then hopefully, you'll be able to bring back the critic slowly until you have a nice balance.
As I said, this takes PRACTICE. You are literally allowing this obnoxious inner child to run amuck right now. STOP IT! Sit it down and have a discussion with it. Decide you are Super-Nanny and you're on the case. Tell it YOU are in charge. Your thoughts are YOURS, you decide what to think...
Not that crazy, annoying, obnoxious room-mate in your head.
TELL HIM OFF! And you'll be well on your way to making the changes that will help you achieve your goals, and find your very own brand of happiness.
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About the Author
Kathy Gates is a Certified Emotional Intelligence Life Coach in Scottsdale AZ who specializes in finding happiness in daily life. If you liked this article, you'll love her "7 S.E.C.R.E.T.S. to a Great Life " coaching program. She will coach you via email or telephone, your choice. Start Creating Your Happier Life Today! by visiting REAL LIFE COACH.com.
