She’s intelligent. Beautiful. And fully capable of holding her own. She owns her own home or she’s renting a fabulous apartment on the posh side of town. Got the 401K thing happening, a couple of zero’s in her bank account. Got it goin on in every way imaginable. You never thought it would happen. But you could see yourself settling down with someone like her. If she plays her cards right, she could be your Mrs. Right. She’s the ying to your yang. The mocha to your almond joy. Just thinking about her makes your nature rise. There’s just one problem: She’s too damn strong for her own good. At least that’s how you see it.

Being a strong black woman myself, I think it’s safe to say that every heterosexual strong black woman needs a good black man. I may get shunned from the Sisterhood of Strong Black Women for going here with you, but we’re all in this love thing together. So here are six tips for loving a strong black woman. Apply them with your woman tonight and you just might get lucky. Seriously, these tips will help you to love her for the strong woman that she is, strengthen your bond with one another and resist the urge to allow petty jealousy and competitiveness to ruin your relationship.

Tip #1. Don’t Believe The Hype

Strong black women want to be in healthy, committed relationships with strong black men. We want men who are good to us and for us, who are purpose-driven, not afraid of commitment, respect themselves and women in general, gainfully employed or at least hitting the pavement daily looking for honest work. The media tries to make us believe that we can do without one another, but we cannot. I don’t care if the woman you’re jonesin for is a CEO with a PHD and a summer home in the burbs. At the end of the day, she’s still a woman with needs, dreams, desires and insecurities.

Tip #2. Know the Difference Between A Strong Black Woman and A Misguided Man-ip-ulator

A strong black woman will build with you. A misguided man-ip-ulator will try to tear down or take what you’ve worked hard to build. What kind of woman are you dealing with? Many men say they want a good woman, just as women say they want a good man, but they only go for Halle Berry or Vivica Fox look-a-likes without knowing anything about the woman’s character. The woman you’ve got your eye on may have it goin on physically, but is there any depth to her once you get above the sheets? Or, are you caught up in the glitz and glamour trying to prove your worth?

Tip #3. Be Grounded In Who You Are

Know your value and worth as a man. Not according to the world’s system, but according to God’s system. What are your gifts and assets? How do you contribute to your job, family, community, humanity? What intellectual, social, spiritual and emotional currency do you bring to the table? Knowing the answers to these questions will keep you grounded in who you are. And there’s nothing more sexier or stimulating than a confident brother who knows who he is, whose he is and where he’s headed.

Tip #4. Champion Her Success

A strong black woman needs to know that you’ve got her back, that you believe in her dreams, and will support her in her mission. Her success does not diminish yours. It enhances it. Become part of her dream team. Listen to her ideas. Give her feedback. Support her as she pursues her goals. If you do this for her, she will do the same for you and together you will be unstoppable.

Tip #5. Lead and She Will Join You

Strong black women, need visionary men. Even if all the pieces aren’t clear yet, if she sees you have a vision for yourself and your family and you are serious about living your vision, she will get on board.

Tip #6. Make It Safe for Her To Take Off the Super Woman Cape

Every woman needs the space to be vulnerable. Black women haven’t had the luxury of being able to be vulnerable because more often than not we have to fight to get what we want, work harder to be considered half as good and shout in order to be heard. And if we’re raising our children alone, we have to be strong so our children can get what they need to succeed. We strong black women would like to take off our capes, but we have to be certain that the men we share our hearts, our lives and our beds with, won’t exploit our vulnerabilities, rub our issues in our face, betray us or use our insecurities to keep us from believing and dreaming.

Copyright © 2006 by Cassandra Mack

Cassandra Mack, MSW is the CEO of Strategies for Empowered Living Inc., the advice columnist for Proud Poppa magazine and the author of, "The Single Moms Little Book of Wisdom," and "Cool, Confident and Strong: 52 Power Moves for Girls." She is the founder of Savvy Single Moms, an on-line networking group for single mothers. For more information go to: http://www.strategiesforempoweredliving.com

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